


What Is and What Should Never Be

by Ruby_Tuesday



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Adventure, Angst, But i ain't kidding when I say we'll get there either, F/M, Romance, Sexual Content, Slow Build, ok reaaally slow build but we'll get there, when I say slow I ain't kidding!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-30
Updated: 2017-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-20 10:56:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 26,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3647721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruby_Tuesday/pseuds/Ruby_Tuesday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“And if I say to you tomorrow. Take my hand, child, come with me.<br/>It's to a castle I will take you, where what's to be, they say will be."<br/>(L.Z.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Intro

**Author's Note:**

> As much as I hate changing Tolkien's ending (despite it being so tragic) I couldn't envision this story taking place before the BOTFA. So the Durins are still alive (sorry Tolkien). It takes place about 4-5 years after the BOTFA. There will be a very slow build up to the smut, and then it will be very explicit. I tried to stick to canon as much as possible (I like fantasizing but at the same time I don't like messing around with original work any more than I have to). But I did take one more liberty aside from them still being alive: in this version of Middle Earth, faeries once existed (a long long time ago), and Vanya (the OFC) is one of the last remaining descendants, although she is a hybrid (elf-faerie). This is my very first fan fic. I am nervous about writing this because it always seems that everything has been done already, and I'm also very nervous about the smut, but hey, I've been wanting to write fanfic for ages and it's now or never. I also didn't really intend for this to be a long story, it was supposed to be a smutty one shot with Thorin and the elf-fairie. But then I saw a drawing and I said “Oh, that's her!” and then I named her and then other things happened and, well, plot it is. Did I already say this is my first fanfic and I'm very nervous? If I'm here, I have to thank bellemelange for motivating me, and for her constant support and assistance. I also have to thank a little group of friends who have already read some of my work and have been very encouraging (you know who you are!) Oh, and most of the characters belong to J.R.R. Tolkien. I am just having a little fun with them. So, here goes...

“Fili!!!...FILIIII!!!!!” Thorin's deep voice echoed down the halls of the mountain.

Fili had just returned from a short walk with his wife and child and they all jumped at the sound of Thorin's voice.

“He knows!” she said.

He handed his daughter to his wife, gave them both a quick kiss on the forehead and said “You go and get settled, I'll take care of this”.

*****

Shortly after the BOTFA, Fili had met Akara, a young dwarf maiden with a lively attitude. The dwarves had succeeded in taking back their mountain, but not without a price. They had lost many of their companions in the battle, and all of them suffered the consequences of the terrible hardships they had endured in the process. Many sleepless nights had followed, and rebuilding Erebor had been no easy feat, and they still had a long way to go.

Fili had noticed Akara one day while cleaning one of the chambers and her smile had made him temporarily forget everything he had been through. They had bonded instantly and she had been very supportive of him and seemed to always know just what he needed, whether it be someone he could vent his frustrations to, someone to keep him distracted with joyful banter, or just someone to sit quietly by him under the night sky. Their friendship soon evolved into a more meaningful relationship, and it didn't take long for them to decide they wanted to start a new life together. Theirs was the first wedding to take place in the halls of the newly reclaimed Erebor, and their daughter, Alana, the first child to breathe new life into the Lonely Mountain.

Alana was now close to celebrating her second birthday, and unfortunately the nanny that had been by her side since birth had grown ill and decided that she was no longer fit to fulfill her duties. Fili and Akara started searching for a new nanny, but it was proving to be harder than they thought, many dwarfs had offered their services, but there always seemed to be something missing. Then one day Fili mentioned the subject to Gandalf, who had come to pay them a visit and although Gandalf seemed to show little interest in the matter at the time, he returned only a few days later saying that he had a solution. However he also said that it was a bit of a “delicate” situation, and that it would be best if Fili accompanied him to meet the potential “candidate” in person before he brought her to the castle.

Fili was curious to see what the wizard had in mind, and he couldn't help but think about Bilbo Baggins, the Burglar that Gandalf had introduced them to during their journey. Gandalf's choice had seemed far fetched at the beginning of their journey, but in the end had proven to be a wise and valid one. So that evening Fili had informed Thorin that Gandalf required his assistance to settle some personal issues and the following day they set off on their quest.

Fili was gone only a few days, and when he returned he discussed the whole matter with Akara, who was more than pleased with the solution. Their only problem now would be to convince Thorin. They had been putting the argument off for a bit too long however, and as it was the news had apparently found its way to him before they could prepare him for it. When Fili entered the throne-room, his Uncle was pacing furiously to and fro.

*****

“What on _earth_ were you thinking?!?”

“Uncle Thorin, she is...”

“An ELF! She is an elf”

“Well, technically, she's only half elf”

Thorin frowned “And what exactly is the other half?”

”Faerie” Fili mumbled.

“Come again?”

“Faerie, she comes from an old line of...”

“Hah” Thorin grunted “This is Gandalf's work isn't it? I should have know you two were up to something when you left with him.”

“He was only trying to help. And you of all people should trust him, you were skeptical of Bilbo too at first and...”

“You will inform Gandalf that you've changed your mind and you will find someone else!”

“Uncle, no...”

“I will not have an elf-fairie living in this mountain, raising MY grand-niece!”

“ENOUGH!!!” shouted the younger dwarf, finally losing his patience.

Fili admired his uncle greatly and had always been respectful of him, but his stubborn streak was enough to put even the most patient dwarf to the test. Thorin had been pacing angrily during their whole confrontation but now he was standing still and staring at Fili with disbelief, his nephew rarely lost his temper.

Fili took a deep breath, “Uncle please, stop interrupting me and let me speak. You have been like a father to Kili and I, and you know how much we value your opinion, but I have my own responsibilities as a father and husband now, and I will decide what is best for my daughter and her well being. I trust Gandalf's judgement just as you have in the past, and I've had the opportunity to evaluate the elf-faerie on my own. She will be good for the child Uncle, and just think of how wide her horizons will be if she grows under the wisdom and guidance of an elf-faerie along that of her dwarf family. I'm sorry uncle, but the decision has been made. The girl arrives 3 days from now. I know this is your domain, but I'm _begging_ you, respect my decision as I have always respected yours and do not force me to adapt my will to yours, for you know the consequences would be disastrous.”

Thorin had grown silent. He could see just how determined his nephew was about the matter and he knew that Fili was right, if he did anything but agree to his nephew's decision it would drive a wedge between them. He was immensely proud of his nephews, they had stood by his side faithfully during the reclaiming of Erebor, even when the gold sickness was consuming him. They had almost died for him during the final battle. And they had fully dedicated themselves to rebuilding Erebor. That was the reason Fili and Akara had taken a nanny in the first place, so that they could continue committing themselves to rebuilding their home despite the additional responsibilities of parenthood. Thorin knew it would not be easy to open his doors to this elf maiden, but Fili deserved his approval, he had earned it.

The two dwarves stared at each other for a few moments and then Thorin solemnly nodded. Fili let out a sigh of relief and bowed his head to his uncle, then he turned and left the room.


	2. Come With Me

It was a day like any other when the wizard appeared at the top of the hill overlooking the valley where Vanya the elf-fairie was currently living.

She was out looking for berries when she saw him and a smile instantly appeared on her face.

“Gandalf” she shouted cheerfully, heading up to meet him half way “It's good to see you! What brings you this way?”

It was a rhetorical question actually, because Vanya knew very well that there most likely was no specific reason. The wizard made a point of visiting her every now and then, just to see how she was doing.

“All is well my lady, I hope the same can be said for you”.

“Come Gandalf, I was just about to make a berry infusion”.

It was a beautiful day and Gandalf waited outside while Vanya prepared their tea and some apple pie.

After enjoying their afternoon snack and some general conversation, Gandalf decided it was time to reveal the real reason for his visit.

“Vanya, this is not one of my usual visits. I am here because I need to discuss something very important with you.”

The elf-faeire looked worried “What's wrong Gandalf?”

“Nothing is wrong my dear, I have a proposition for you.”

“A proposition?” she looked amused. “Continue.”

“A while ago you told me that you were growing tired of your current situation, and that you needed a new purpose in life”.

Vanya shrugged her shoulders “It was just a bad day Gandalf, you know very well that I am content with my lifestyle. There may be times when I feel a bit melancholic, but those moments pass quickly. I am perfectly fine this way.”

“It is not right Vanya! I have told you many times, you cannot keep living like this. You are too young and too smart and skilled to live like an old hermit.”

“Gandalf please, we have discussed this so many times and you know how I feel! I thought we had come to an understanding. And what exactly would you have me do? You are well aware of my past, you know the humans will have nothing to do with me, and the elves – _my own people_ \- cast me from their land when I was but a child! How can you even suggest I try bonding with them again, you of all people. You know what happened the last time I trusted someone!”

Vanya was extremely upset at this point, and Gandalf hadn't expected anything different. But he cared for the girl's well being deeply and was determined to get her to reason with him. She had lived alone for years, and suffered a great deal, he did not want to watch her rot away in solitude without another chance at happiness.

“I am not suggesting you go back to your own people, or the humans for that matter.”

“Then what _are_ you suggesting?”

Gandalf took a deep breath and braced himself for the elf-faerie's reaction, for he had a good idea of what it would be.

“I was in Erebor before coming here...”

Vanya's eyes flared and she didn't even give him time to finish “Erebor? The Lonely Mountain? _Dwarves_?” she shouted. “Gandalf, how could you even _think_...”

This time it was Gandalf that interrupted her. Vanya was a sweet girl with a gentle soul, but when she was angry she could be quite unreasonable and pig-headed and if he wanted to get through to her he was going to have to be severe.

“ENOUGH CHILD!!!!” he shouted, slamming his hand on the table and making the cups rattle against the saucers.

“I am NOT a child!!!” she shouted back.

“You are ACTING like one!”

Vanya finally backed down at this point, Gandalf's temper had flared as much as her own and she realized that he was not going to give up this time.

“Very well, I will listen to what you have to say.”

Gandalf then spoke to her of his visit to Erebor and about his discussion with Fili. He noticed a sparkle in her eye when he mentioned Alana and he knew that he had peaked her interest. Vanya had suffered greatly as a child, and he new that her biggest desire was to give to someone the love, care and guidance that she had never had. Of course she would want to do so with a child of her own, but if she kept living as a solitary nomad the chances of her having offspring were remote.

So Gandalf thought that in the meantime the next best thing would be for her to give her love and dedication to someone else's child. At the same time she would be forced to live in a community and this would allow her to become re-acquainted with life outside of her boundaries of solitude.

When he was finally done speaking, Vanya was no longer upset, but pensive. “I don't know Gandalf. Living in the confines of a _mountain_? With _dwarves_? How do you even know they will want me for the position, dwarves are still full of resentment towards the elves and they despised the fairies even more back in the day, they will accept me no more than the humans and the elves have. ”

“You need not worry about that. The Prince put his faith in my judgement and once I tell him about you he will not have any objections, I am sure of it. And his people respect him, no one will question his decision about you.” " _Except Thorin"_ , he thought to himself " _But we shall deal with that when the time comes"_. Then he continued, “Fili and Akara are wonderful dwarves, and their daughter is marvelous. In any case, you will not be a prisoner there, should things not work out you will be free to leave. At least give it a try. ”

Vanya looked a bit more intrigued now, but was still doubtful. “You know there is yet another matter that is holding me back.”

“I expected that. Things will work out my dear. I will go and fetch the Prince so that we can meet with him halfway. You will have the opportunity to become acquainted with him before going to the mountain and you may discuss the terms and conditions of your arrangement. In the meantime, while I am gone you can take care of your personal issues. Once we have met with Fili we will give him a few days to discuss the matter with his wife and King, and you will have some more time for yourself before we continue our journey."

She looked toward the horizon, beyond the valley.

Gandalf eyes followed her gaze, he knew very well what troubled her. "He will understand Vanya, he wants your happiness just as much as I do. Trust me. Come, come with me to Erebor. What shall be, shall be.”

Vanya sighed “Let me at least think about it tonight. Come back tomorrow, and I will inform you of my decision.”

Gandalf smiled. Vanya was very forward and strong-willed and if she was truly against the idea she would not have hesitated saying so that very moment. The simple fact that she had agreed to consider it overnight meant there was a good chance that she would accept his offer. And sure enough when he returned the following morning, the elf-faerie was waiting outside her hut, her pony saddled and a tiny sack with her belongings flung over her shoulder.

 

 


	3. The Arrival

Fili and Akara decided to wait for Gandalf and the new nanny outside the Lonely Mountain's main gate, in order to make her feel more welcome. Alana sat in front of them happily playing in the dirt. She had seemed particularly excited over the past few days, almost as if she sensed that something important was about to happen. She wasn't the only one that had been excited though, the news that a new nanny was about to join their kingdom had caused quite a bit of commotion among the dwarves, especially when they had discovered that she was a hybrid. The dwarves had been quite surprised when they heard the news that an elf would be living among them, and even more so when they heard she had faerie blood in her.

Faeries had disappeared from Middle Earth many, many years before, but the stories that had been passed down through the centuries did not exactly put them in good light. Despite their gentle and tiny appearance (not much bigger than Hobbits, but smaller than dwarves) it was said that they were associated with dark magic and often abused their powers. It was not clear if they were truly evil or just selfish, but most races preferred to keep their distance from them, especially the dwarves.

And so that morning quite a few of the dwarves had gathered near the entrance, for even though they felt uneasy, they trusted their King and Princes, and were determined to give her the benefit of the doubt. Thorin, on the other hand, had no interest in joining the welcoming party. He and Dwalin stood on the terrace overlooking the entrance, the latter was just as skeptical about the new arrival as his King was. They were the first to see the ponies arriving in the distance.

“Ganda!” Alana was learning how to speak and had been very amused by Gandalf during his last visit. She recognized him the minute his pony came into sight.

“They're here!” Akara turned to her huband nervously.

“As Gandalf approached the Mountain, Akara got her first look at her daughter's new nanny. “She's lovely Fili!”

“Brother, I think I fancy her already.”

“Kili!” Fili hadn't even realized his brother had been standing close by. “She'll hear you!”

“Good morning!” said Gandalf, as Fili and Akara approched them. Kili followed close behind with Alana riding on his shoulders. Gandalf looked towards the faerie-elf, he knew she was nervous despite her calm appearance. Kili pulled his niece off his shoulders and handed her to her mother, then turned towards their new guest and with a smile and a courtsey he held out his hand “Kili, at your service”. Fili rolled his eyes as Akara giggled and shook her head. Kili's cheerful welcome seemed to put the faerie-elf at ease however, and she took his hand as she gracefully slid off her pony.

“Thank you Kili”, she smiled and glanced at the four of them one by one. Fili nodded to her and she nodded back, grateful to see at least one familiar face. She then turned to Akara and smiled again “You must be Akara, it is my pleasure to meet you, I am Vanya”.

“It is our pleasure to have you here Vanya”. Alana was fidgeting in her arms and seemed to be quite interested in the new arrival. She smiled joyfully and held out her arms as if she had always known her.

“Look at that Fili, she seems to have taken a liking to her new nanny already!”

Vanya took the dwarf child in her arms and gave her a light kiss on the nose. Alana giggled and grasped at the young elf's face with her tiny hands, she was getting more and more excited by the minute and was squeezing her cheeks and grabbing at her nose.

Akara took the dwarf child back in her arms “Come Alana, your nanny has had a long trip, you will have plenty of time to get acquainted tomorrow”.

Finally Vanya's eyes travelled further back and all of a sudden she felt nervous again. There were quite a few dwarves gathered at the entrance, smiling and whispering among each other. Some seemed amused, some suspicious, very few of them seemed welcoming. She wondered if she had made a mistake in accepting Gandalf's proposal, at the time it had seemed like a good idea, but now looking at them all she realized she didn't belong there.

Fili's voice broke the silence “Come Vanya, I am sure that you want to get settled before we dine.”

“I'll get your things” said Kili. He grabbed the small bag off her pony and then looked around, puzzled. “is this all?” he asked, as he grabbed the only bag on her pony.

“Yes” she said shyly.

As they stepped towards the castle Fili noticed that she had fallen behind. She was looking behind her, and in that precise moment Fili realized that she had done this several times already. Except this time she seemed to be in a trance - her eyes focused on a precise point in the distance - and her expression was sad, distant, like that of someone leaving something precious behind. That struck him as odd, considering Gandalf had told him that Vanya had been exiled from the Elves since birth and that she had basically lived as a nomad her whole life. That was the precise reason he had suggested her as a nanny, she had no attachments in the world and she could join dwarf community for as long as it was necessary. Still, she seemed hesitant, and nostalgic.

“Vanya, are you alright?”

She jumped at the sound of his voice. “Yes” and smiled again, “yes, of course.”

As Vanya followed the others towards the mountain's entrance she glanced above her, towards the terrace. Two figures were looking down at her, and although they were too far for her to see their faces, she could sense that there was something hostile about them. She felt a shiver go down her spine as she looked down again and entered the Halls of Erebor, leaving life as she knew it behind her.

 


	4. From Valleys to Mountains

The first ones to greet Vanya inside the castle were the members of Thorin's company, aside from Dwalin who was still by his comrade's side.

Vanya looked around nervously, wondering where their King was. She felt foolish as she realized that he would probably be waiting in the throne room. Her mind suddenly flashed to the two figures that had been standing on the terrace and a sick feeling came over her: their King, one of the two intimidating figures that she had seen was most likely their King. And if that was the case she wasn't expecting a warm welcome from him.

On the other hand, the dwarves of the company presented themselves one by one, each one greeting her in his own unique manner, and she got the distinct impression that they were authentically pleased to have her join their realm. They kept her occupied for quite a bit, asking questions and talking about the events of the past five years. She was grateful that they did more of the latter, as she would much rather hear tales about their adventures rather than reveal the details of her own life. Most of all she preferred to keep her unpleasant past buried.

Fili had been observing Vanya closely and he admired her already. She had lived her whole life as a nomad and despite the friendly yet overzealous attention she was getting from their Company, and the countless stares she was receiving from a large number of the mountain's inhabitants, she was maintaining a calm and gracious attitude.

Gandalf was suddenly at his side.“Where is Thorin? That stubborn fool should be here!”

“He most likely expects us to take the girl to him.” Fili responded.

“Well I think we should let her get settled first. She has been holding up quite well all things considered, but I know the girl well, this is a lot for her to handle all at once. The day is not over yet, and it would be best if she had some time to herself before dining. And before her encounter with Thorin.” Gandalf raised his eyebrows, a worried look on his face.

“I'll ask Kili to accompany her to her chambers, he seemed to put her at ease earlier”.

“That sounds wise” said Gandalf “In the meantime, I need to have a few words with the King”.

Gandalf headed off as Fili called out to his brother and asked him to tend to the elf-faerie. Kili was more than delighted to be of assistance and cheerfully strolled over to the elf who was currently being entertained by Bofur's shenanigans.

“Vanya, would you like to go up to your chambers and settle in? We shall be dining shortly.”

“Oh, yes Kili, I would appreciate it!” Vanya was relieved to finally be on her own for a bit. Not that she wasn't enjoying the company or the effort the lively dwarf was making to make her feel at home, but she was simply starting to feel overwhelmed by all the commotion “it was a pleasure meeting you Bofur.” The dwarf bowed and took her hand, kissing the back if it. “The pleasure is mine. Later my Lady!”

She then followed Kili up to her chambers.

They had to walk a bit before finally reaching their destination, and for the first time Vanya was able to get a good look at the inside of the Lonely Mountain. She was astonished by what she saw. It was indeed dark like she had imagined, and isolated from the outside world, but the atmosphere was neither grim nor oppressive. The halls were immense and much more illuminated than she had expected, and although there was still a lot of work to be done the dwarves had managed to restore most of the beauty of their realm.

They finally reached her chambers and when Kili opened the door for her she was speechless. The room was much larger than she had assumed it would be, and very nicely furnished. There was a small door to her left and when she peeked in she couldn't believe her eyes, she had her own personal bathing area.

But the biggest surprise was still to come.

“That's not all my Lady” Kili walked to the opposite side of the room towards another doorway and opened it. It led to a tiny terrace carved into the mountains side, overlooking the river that led to the town of Esgaroth, and the green pastures beneath.

“Fili thought you would appreciate having access to the outdoors, considering you have always lived out in the open. Come, have a look!” He had a broad, happy smile on his face, eager to see her reaction.

Vanya walked cautiously out onto the terrace, almost as if she were afraid that it would vanish into thin air the moment her foot touched the pavement. The view from that point was breathtaking and for the first time since she had arrived, she felt good, and a little more confident that maybe this wouldn't be as bad as she had feared. She had been so worried about accepting Fili's offer and coming to the Lonely Mountain for so many reasons, one of them being her extreme love of nature, a trait inherited thanks to her faerie ancestry. However, in the end, despite her many doubts, she knew deep in her heart that Gandalf was right. She was withering inside.

She was resourceful and had managed all these years on her own, traveling from town to town, stopping long enough to earn what was just enough for the bare necessities she needed. She would sometimes take residence in small cabins or huts, but most of the time she would just live right out in the open, taking shelter only in bad weather, or when it wasn't safe enough.

Her past experiences had taught her that she could trust no one. And at the moment Gandalf was the only person that she confided in, for he was the only reason she was still alive. But she had lied to him that day that he came to her with his proposal. She _was_ getting tired of being alone, and she _did_ feel that she needed to do something more with her life.

Moving into the confines of a mountain wasn't exactly what she had hoped for, but the thought of becoming a nanny was too great a temptation. So she had accepted the offer, but she had never expected such thoughtfulness and attention on behalf of the Prince and his wife. This kind gesture was enough to stir the emotions that she so carefully shielded from the rest of the world.

Kili noticed the change in her attitude and the smile disappeared from his face. “My Lady, are you alright? Is this not to your liking?”

“No, no” she responded “this is perfect, wonderful, but it is far more than a simple servant deserves.”

“A _servant_? Vanya, I don't think you understand why Fili and Akara looked so far and wide to find a new nanny for their child. You are not a servant... you are _family_ ”. And the smile returned to his face.

Vanya could only nod, for if she tried saying anything in that precise moment she would surely break out in tears. Kili sensed that and quickly said “well then, I shall tell the maid to prepare your bath. I will be back in a while to fetch you for dinner.”

She managed to whisper “Thank you Kili” as he turned and left her alone on the terrace.

While the maid prepared her bath she remained there, looking out into the open. She wasn't looking down the river however, nor at the town of Esgaroth, nor the pastures below. She was looking much farther, her eyes fixed on a precise spot in the distance... far, far away.

 

 


	5. Meet the King

Thorin was still talking to Gandalf when the elf-fairie entered the dining hall. The King had his back to her, but he could tell she had arrived because the room had suddenly gotten quiet, and the loud chattering had turned to soft murmuring.

Gandalf's gaze wandered past him to the entrance and he smiled, then he looked Thorin in the eyes and his smile turned to a stern, silent warning: “Behave!”

When Thorin finally turned to face her she was already almost near him, Fili and Kili at her side.

They came to a stop and Fili was the one to introduce her “Vanya, I present to you Thorin Oakenshield, King of Erebor.”

The elf-fairie looked him straight in the eye and though her gaze was confident her body betrayed her, Thorin could see she was quivering, just slightly, and he couldn't deny that it pleased him to know that he put her on the edge.

She bowed her head and in a very composed manner said “Your Highness, I thank you for accepting me into your Kingdom, I am grateful for this opportunity and intend to do my best to serve your nephew and his family.”

Thorin eyed her up and down. She was quite tiny, more or less Bilbo's height, with long, wavy golden blonde hair, the color of honey. Although she had not inherited the elves' height, she possessed the same fair skin and pointy ears they did, these being the only two features the two races shared in common.

Her most interesting feature however, were her eyes. They were a mixture of green, brown and gold speckles, the latter being the most prominent color. They were particularly luminous, looking almost as if they were made of glass, and they seemed to have a life of their own as they sparkled despite the low light present in room. He wondered what they would be like out in the sunlight.

Thorin was brought back to reality by the sound of Gandalf clearing his throat. It was only then that he realized that he had been lost in a trance, mesmerized by her eyes. He suddenly felt even more annoyed by her presence than before. “ _Faeries, thieves of souls_ ” he thought to himself “ _your eyes are as destructive and deceptive as they are beautiful_ ”.

The King had respected his nephew's decision, but his own will had not changed in the slightest and he felt bitter about it. To make matters worse, not only was he being forced to accept her in his Kingdom, she had been made a part of his inner circle and he could not bring himself to welcome this “intruder” into his home. He would make sure it was clear to her what her place would be, and he would keep his distance from her as much as possible.

The room was silent and everyone was waiting for some kind of reaction on his behalf. Since he could not be openly rude to the elf and since anything different would have been utter nonsense, he chose to simply acknowledge her presence with a nod.

He then faced the others and said “Let us be seated”, then turned to the maid and nodded to her, a sign that she could begin serving their dinner.

Fili and Kili just stared at Thorin. Not that they had expected anything different from their uncle, but they had hoped until the last minute that maybe he would prove them wrong.

Gandalf just shook his head and sighed. He looked towards the elf-fairie, she stood where Thorin had left her, she looked surprisingly calm considering the King's rude behavior, but he knew her too well to believe she was unaffected by it. He reached his arm out to her and said “Come dear, it's been a long day. You must be starving.”

 

*****

 

Vanya was relieved to finally take her place at the table, Gandalf on her right, Akara on her left. It wasn't so much that she was hungry – truth be told she had completely lost her appetite – rather the fact that it felt good to finally be free of the scrutinizing eyes of the King.

He was seated at the opposite side of the table, and she cold barely see him from where she was.

As she fiddled with the food in her plate she couldn't get her mind off her first encounter with Thorin Oakenshield.

She had been so busy worrying about so many other matters when she made her decision that she had never stopped to think specifically of what kind of reaction the King would have towards her until her arrival. Yes, she had been a bit nervous, but she had also assumed that if Gandalf and Fili had made this proposal to her, the King had been favorable to the idea.

She had actually been quite curious to meet him, she had heard so much of Thorin during her various stops and she had admired the dwarf that had been through so much to reclaim his kingdom.

It wasn't until she arrived at the mountain and saw him lurking on the terrace - only to notice his absence among the others in the main hall later - that she realized that the situation was going to be a lot more complicated than she had imagined.

When she walked into the dining hall he had his back to her. She could sense his hostility even before he turned to face her and when he finally did she saw nothing but animosity on his face. The long, warm bath she had taken just now had indeed helped her relax quite a bit, and Kili's joyful company had also helped put her at ease, but she could feel it all slipping away with every step she took towards him.

Vanya had been through quite a bit in her long life as a faerie. One thing she had learned over the course of time was to control her emotions. She had suffered so much that she was rarely affected by other people's behavior towards her and hardly ever lost her calm. But even if certain situations did make her uptight, she would usually end up conquering her anxiety with very little effort.

She had also learned to keep her distance from all races, she allowed no one – except Gandalf - in her heart and she offered her heart to no one. It wasn't that she lacked empathy, she had plenty of that, but she guarded it well and made use of it in very rare occasions.

She was well aware that she would have to somewhat mold her attitude now that she had entered the walls of the dwarf community with a long term commitment. Even though Gandalf had told her that she would be free to leave at any moment, she knew that she wasn't one to take her obligations lightly, especially when such obligations involved taking responsibility of a child's life. But she was still determined to shield her emotions.

As she stood in front of the King of Erebor, her self control - and everything she had built it on - faltered. She had already had a moment of vulnerability earlier, when Kili had told her she was now a part of their family, and it had worried her, but she had managed to maintain her composure. But now it was worse, the King made her feel uncomfortable and it took every ounce of her self control to look him in the eyes without letting her uneasiness seep through.

Thorin Oakenshield was intimidating. He was taller than most of the dwarves, and his lineaments were hard, severe. His long, black hair was streaked with silver and his short beard revealed thin, taut lips that she imagined had hardly ever formed a smile. She had felt so comfortable with his nephews that she had a hard time believing the smae blood ran through their veins. She wondered if in his younger years he had shared the good-natured, sweet disposition they had, or if he had always been this cold and indifferent.

But what impressed her most were his eyes. They were blue like the sky but looked cold as ice and pierced her own, penetrating them like they wanted to break through to her soul and rip it from her. She didn't think she would be able to hold his gaze for much longer.

Vanya was brought back to reality by the sound of Gandalf clearing his throat. It was only then that she realized what an influence he had on her, She felt violated and it was unnerving, it made her feel weak and she hadn't felt this way in a long time. She couldn't let him see the effect he had on her, she couldn't allow him to break down her shield and reach her fragile side. The King of Erebor was going to be a problem, and she was going to have to keep her distance from him more than ever.

When the King all but ignored her, granting her a mere nod, she felt humiliated, but she would not give him the satisfaction of knowing it. She summoned all her inner strength and regained her poise.

Luckily Gandalf knew her well, and in no time he was by her side, accompanying her to the dinner table. She couldn't wait for the day to end, so she could finally retreat to the quiet of her own room.

 

 

 


	6. Life in the Lonely Mountain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I was really stuck on this chapter and it's just a filler. Basically I wanted to move forward in the story a bit, so I was trying to sum up what Vanya's first few weeks in the kingdom were like. Sometimes I thought I was writing too much and sometimes it seemed like I was not writing enough or rushing it. Any thoughts on the matter would be greatly appreciated.

The following weeks passed quickly as Vanya adjusted to her new life in the Lonely Mountain.

Akara spent quite a bit of time with her at first, so that elf-fairie could become familiar with the dwarf customs and their lifestyle. She introduced her to as many dwarves as she could, thinking that maybe if she was directly involved in presenting her the dwarves would be more willing to accept the new nanny, especially since the Princess was highly respected among their community.

A few of the dwarves did seem to take a genuine interest in her, however most of them remained indifferent towards her, either keeping any interactions to the bare minimum or ignoring her altogether. Akara thought it was better than nothing, and – most of all – that it was better they ignore her than be rude or uncivilized towards her. She also noticed that the elf-faerie wasn't exactly troubled by their behavior, rather she seemed almost relieved to not have to interact with them, which was normal considering she had lived most of her life as a nomad and wasn't used to having company.

The Princess also guided the elf-faerie through the never ending halls and chambers of the mountain. This alone required quite a bit of time and dedication, Erebor was truly immense and Akara knew that even with a good sense of direction it would be a while before Vanya would be able to move around easily on her own, at least not without getting lost a few times.

It was like a completely different world within the walls of Erebor, the mountain seemed to have a life force of its own, parallel to the world outside. It wasn't like anything Vanya had ever seen, and she had travelled quite a bit in her life. The elf-faerie had heard many stories of the dwarf kingdoms beneath the mountains, but she was never entirely able to get a grasp on what that actually meant. She had always imagined such kingdoms to be more like caverns, long dark tunnels branching out beneath the mountains, dark and gloomy.

She realized now how foolish she had been, for it had always been said that the dwarves were not only excellent smiths and miners but also talented craftsman and she'd even had the opportunity to appreciate their beautiful creations in more than one occasion during her journeys. She should have known that such talent and such beauty would also be reflected on their surroundings.

Vanya still longed for the warmth of the sun and the feeling of grass beneath her feet, but at least a small part of her repulsion towards the secluded mountain life was replaced by curiosity and bewilderment, and to her surprise she found herself spending most her spare time exploring the many wonders of the dwarf kingdom rather than daydreaming on her own little balcony, her only access to her own world.

Akara wasn't the only one dedicating her time to the elf-faerie however, Kili also spent as much time as he could with her. Despite Vanya's diffident nature, there was no denying that she and the young dwarf had bonded instantly and shared a profound mutual admiration for each other that kept getting stronger and stronger as the days passed. There was nothing romantic involved however, Kili's initial fascination with the lovely elf faerie had quickly given way to a different type of sentiment, a more fraternal one. The more Kili got to know her, the more he saw her as the sister he and Fili had never had, but had often dreamed of as children.

The feeling was mutual for the elf-fairie, even though at first she had refused to accept it and it took her a while to actually embrace it. Vanya had been raised as an only child, it was unknown to her whether or not she had any siblings, but even if she did the bond had been broken when she had been cast from her home. She had known only pain and deception, betrayed even by those closest to her. Kili was aware of the elf-faerie's wariness and even though he was curious to know more of her past he respected her privacy and gave her just the right combination of space and attention, never pushing her, never smothering her, just letting her know he was there for her. In the end, this was what had allowed him to breach her wall. It was just a tiny chip, but it was a start.

There was, however, one person to whom Vanya opened her heart to unconditionally right from the beginning, and that was Alana, the little dwarf child. Fili and Akara had been relieved to see how quickly the child had taken to her new nanny and the blind faith they had put in Gandalf's choice was rewarded the very first second they saw the two of them interact. They watched in awe as the reserved, introverted elf-fairie transformed into someone warm and caring, fully devoted to their child. When Vanya was with Alana, she seemed like a completely different person and it was the only time the veil of melancholy that shadowed her face was lifted, allowing her smile to shine through and her eyes to truly sparkle.

Vanya proved to be very resourceful, never running out of things to do and never growing bored or losing her patience with the child. She would join Fili and Akara in the morning for breakfast, and then once they were off to take care of their duties she would spend the rest of the day with Alana. In the late afternoon they would all meet in the dining chamber with the rest of Thorin's company and the King himself, and for the rest of the evening the elf-faerie was free to do as she pleased.

The dwarves of the company were always kind to Vanya and in return she was always polite and courteous. She remained a bit more detached from them in comparison to Kili, Fili and Akara but nonetheless she truly enjoyed their company most of the time. They were a lively bunch, each amusing in their own way, and they kept her entertained with their storytelling and their singing for hours on end, and they never made her feel uncomfortable or unwanted.

Even Dwalin seemed to have warmed up to her a bit, although Vanya was vaguely suspicious that it was just a means to keep an eye on her and not because he had accepted her in their community. Doubtful of whether or not his intentions were truly genuine, she avoided him as much as possible.

But if there was one dwarf from which Vanya felt the need to distance herself in no uncertain terms, that was Thorin Oakenshield. Thorin would either ignore her or glare at her, the hatred pouring from his eyes to her own. There was no in-between and not even the slightest hint of reconsideration or acceptance.

Not a day passed that he didn't wish for the elf-faerie to go back to her own world and every night he would have to swallow his pride and force himself to act as though her presence did not torment him. The dwarves of the company were the only ones aware of Thorin's opposition to his nephew's choice, still, even thought they were aware of his true feelings Thorin could not let them see just how much she affected him. They had grown fond of the girl, but Thorin would not be fooled by her seemingly sweet disposition. She had faerie blood in her, mischief and malice ran through her veins and the tales that he had heard from the elders when he was a child were enough to make his own blood turn cold. The resentment between dwarves and elves had only come about in more recent times but the dwarves' hatred towards the faerie race was deeply rooted, Thorin loathed them and his disdain for the elves seemed pale in comparison.

The fact that Vanya could sense every bit of his hostility was the biggest obstacle she had to overcome in her new surroundings. Adapting to this new lifestyle was hard on her, and in her moments of doubt she would think of Alana, and the wonderful things Kili, Fili and Akara had done for her and she would feel at ease again. But the rare occasions in which she crossed paths with the king were the only times she truly wished she could just snap her fingers and go back to her solitary safe haven in the wilderness, not even the thought of the dwarf child helped her through those moments.

On those occasions she would end up staying awake the whole night, standing out in the night sky on her balcony, looking out into the distance - as far as her eyes would take her– and making every effort to keep her tears and discontent buried away.

 


	7. Back to the Wild - part 1

“Vanya! Vanya!!”

The elf-faerie was just heading out the door after their evening meal when she heard Fili call out to her. They had just finished dining, Akara had already taken Alana up to bed and Bofur was preparing his flute for some musical entertainment, but Vanya was particularly tired that evening and she had decided to turn in early.

“Yes Fili?”

“Are you retiring to your chambers already? Are you feeling alright?”

“Oh yes, I am fine, I just need to get some rest.”

“Akara and I were having a discussion about you earlier...”

Vanya's heart skipped a beat, “Did I do something wrong my Prince?”

“No, no, quite the opposite. You have been here three months already, and you have hardly had any time to yourself. Akara and I have also been working quite a bit, so we have decided to take a couple of days to ourselves so that we may spend some time with Alana. And you will be able to have some time on your own, do as you please.”

Vanya smiled at the thought.

“Am I allowed to leave the kingdom?” she asked eagerly.

Fili wasn't surprised by her wish to leave the kingdom to spend some time back in her own world, it was exactly what he had assumed she would do, but he was surprised she felt the need to ask for permission “Of course Vanya. You are not a prisoner here, you are free to go and enjoy some time in the open like you used to.”

Vanya thanked the Prince and turned to leave. After taking only a few steps she paused and turned back to him. “Fili?” her voice was soft and timid.

“Yes”

“Would it be too much to ask... I was wondering...well...”

Fili smiled, amused by her embarassment “Go on Vanya, what is it?”

“Would it be too much to ask for another day?”

“A whole extra day?” he laughed “Is that all? Go on now, of course you may have another day!”

“Oh thank you Fili” and before she had the chance to decide whether or not it would be appropriate she hugged him, and then scurried off to her room.

Fili watched her run off, he was still smiling although he _was_ a bit perplexed by her request. Why would she ask for just one more day? What difference would _one_ more day make if all she had to do was spend some time in her old world, especially considering she had no one? He shook his head, he was overthinking things again. What he _should_ be thinking about was the fact that she had hugged him. _Hugged_ him, a gesture that clearly clashed with her reserved nature. She hadn't hugged him right away though, when he told her she had two days to do as she pleased. She had only hugged him when he had consented to a _third_ day. Why was that extra day so important? He kept thinking that he was making a big deal out of nothing, but he had a strange feeling that he just couldn't shake and he dwelling on it as he went off to his chambers. Once he arrived however, he found his daughter was already sound asleep in her crib and his wife had prepared a warm bath and was waiting for him, immersed in it. She smiled at him coyly, and as he undressed all other thoughts vanished from his mind.

*****

The following morning Vanya was up bright and early, she was so excited that she had hardly managed to sleep all night. She wasted no time, and started packing a few bare necessities to bring along on her trip.

As she was doing so, she heard a knock on the door.

“Come in” she said and she turned to see the young Prince standing in the doorway. “Kili! Have you heard? I'm off to spend some time in the wilderness!” Her smile was broader than his for once, and his heart beamed when he saw how thrilled she was.

"Brother told me this morning, it is wonderful news, and it sounds exciting, I was actually thinking, what if I come with you? I could take a few days myself and...”

Vanya's expression quickly changed, the smile slowly vanishing from her face “Are they sending you to control me? Was this Thorin's idea?”

Kili's excitement turned to surprise “No, Vanya of course not! Why would you think that? Thorin might not even know you are leaving, it is Fili that makes all decisions regarding your stay in our Kingdom. I just wish to tag along, I thought it would be fun and that maybe I could show you some lovely places in this part of Middle Earth.”

Vanya suddenly felt very stupid for having doubted Kili's intentions. She would have liked nothing more than to accept his offer and she would have loved to explore the area surrounding the Lonely Mountains as she had never been there before. Not to mention that Kili was wonderful company, and she was sure they would have had a marvelous time together. But as much as she wanted to, she couldn't accept, not this time.

“Oh Kili, I am so sorry, I don't know what came over me.”

“No worries” Kili was cheerful again “I shall go get my things” and he turned and headed towards the door.

“No, Kili!!!” she shouted out. There was a slight hint of panic in Vanya's voice and the young dwarf stopped in his tracks and looked at her, confused.

The elf-faerie didn't exactly know what to say, she had not been prepared for this and she had to come up with a plausible excuse as to why he couldn't accompany her. Technically the dwarves knew she was a nomad, her only bond being to the wild, and there was no reason for her to refuse Kili's company especially since they got along so well together. But she had to say something, she couldn't just stand there with her mouth gaping, and so she said the first thing that came to her mind.

“I am afraid I cannot accept your offer, not this time.” she stammered “Please understand, I have been segregated in the mountain for a while, I just need to spend some time on my own, like I used to”.

“ _Segregated?_ ” she thought to herself “ _Oh of all the things I could have said!_ ” and she knew it must have sounded horrible to Kili after all the kindness and hospitality he and his brother had shown towards her. It only took one look at the dwarf's face and her fears were confirmed, it was clear that she had hurt his feelings deeply.

“I understand” he said, his voice low and shaky, and with his head down he turned slowly towards the door.

“No, Kili, wait, that came out wrong, I didn't mean anything by it. I just... look... it is not that I don't want your company. I am sure there will be many other opportunities, but this time, I just need to be by myself. Please understand, I do not not wish to hurt you.”

Kili nodded, but his eyes remained somber and he walked quietly towards the door. Before exiting he turned back to her once more “Vanya, you are coming back are you not?”

He said it with such a tone that Vanya's ability to suppress her emotions defied her, and she felt a deep ache in her heart.

“Of course I am! Kili, I have no intention of leaving you all.”

After Kili had left her chambers she realized that she actually meant it. Not that it was an issue, her reasons for wanting to be alone had nothing to do with her wanting to “escape” from the kingdom like Kili had feared. But their discussion had given her motive to think about it, and despite all the difficulties and the rift between her and the King, she had grown truly fond of Alana, Akara and the two Princes.

She hoped that this incident with Kili wouldn't have any consequences on their relationship. She promised herself that when she returned she would dedicate more time to him, so that he would understand that she did appreciate their bond.

Vanya took a deep breath and went back to packing her things, it was time for her to get moving, she couldn't afford to lose a single second more. Once she had finished she went down to the stables and saddled her pony herself. She had stopped to say goodbye to Fili and Akara on her way there, but their chambers were empty and she had no idea where they could be found. It turned out they were waiting for her at the main gate, and she was relieved to see that Kili was with them too. The broad smile had returned to his face and his eyes were bright again. Vanya couldn't deny that it touched her heart to find them there, the though of leaving without saying goodbye along had troubled her more than she had expected.

“I was worried I would not see you before leaving” Vanya said to them as she dismounted her pony.

Alana giggled and ran towards her, “Anya!!!”

“Hello love!” Vanya said as she scooped the little dwarf up in her arms. “Oh I'm going to miss you!”. Alana seemed to understand something was different, and she threw her tiny arms around Vanya's neck and squeezed her as hard as she could. Vanya giggled and gave her a big kiss on her forehead. “I'll be back soon alright?”

Fili held out his arms and pulled Alana from her nanny's neck. “Come now, she will be back soon.” and then he and Vanya nodded to each other.

Akara then held out a tiny sack and said “This is for your journey, it is small supply of cram. It is not very tasty, but it keeps well and will come in handy in case of an emergency”.

Vanya smiled as she took it from her. “Oh, I know what you are thinking” said Akara “that you have been alone in the wilderness your whole life and that you can take care of yourself, and I am sure you can. But I am a mother and it is in my nature to worry.”

“I appreciate the token” Vanya responded “and I will gladly take it.”

“You best pray that you never need to use it” Kili said “the taste is horrible!”

They all laughed and then Akara said “Go dear, do not waste anymore time with us, and have a safe journey”, and she nodded. Vanya thanked her again and then she put her arms around the Princess and hugged her. It took a few seconds for Akara to hug her back, the display of affection being completely unexpected. She looked at her husband over Vanya's shoulders, her eyes wide from surprise. Fili just smiled and shrugged his shoulders, “She hugs now” he mouthed.

Last but not least Vanya turned to Kili. He held out his arms and the elf-faerie did not hesitate one second before welcoming his embrace. As they hugged eachother she whispered in his ear “thank you so much for not being angry at me”.

“I could never be angry at you” he whispered back “enjoy yourself, you deserve it. And be careful little sister.” Then he kissed her on the forehead.

With that last goodbye, Vanya got back on her pony and headed towards the gate. As they crossed the threshold it became harder and harder for her to contain her excitement, and her pony was growing more restless by the minute.

“Are you ready Hazel?” the pony neighed in response, as if she understood. “Let's go then!”

As they departed from the mountain Vanya was overcome by a strange feeling, like she was being observed. She instinctively looked up towards the terrace and sure enough Thorin was standing there, just like he had been on her arrival, except this time he was alone.

She could only assume that he was happy to see her go, and that if she never came back to the mountain it would be too soon. The animosity between them still troubled her more than she would have liked, but she was finally starting to dominate her emotions again when she was around him and she was less affected by his hostility towards her than she had been when she first arrived. So instead of lowering her gaze like she had when she entered the gates to the kingdom, she raised her head even more and glared at him, her confidence boosted by the touching farewell she had just received from his nephews and the Princess. She then turned her back to him and proceeded in her journey, too quickly to see the angry, menacing scowl that pervaded his face upon seeing her affront. It was probably better that way, for if she had seen it, it most likely would have tarnished her cheerful mood, and ruined the rest of her journey.

 


	8. Back to the Wild - part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was wondering, is the lack of direct interaction between Thorin & Vanya making things boring?  
> Am I dragging it out too much?  
> I really felt the need to flesh out Vanya's character first, but is she indeed turning out to be an interesting character?
> 
> p.s. As of Chapter 10 they will be interacting much more. (that may not necessarily be a good thing though! LOL :P )  
> _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Vanya traveled all day, stopping only a few times to have something to eat and to let Hazel rest.

The elf-faerie couldn't believe she was actually out in the open again, and it was a perfect day for it. The sun was shining bright in the clear sky and a warm spring breeze caressed the leaves on the trees, making them sway gently and awakening them from their slumber.

Hazel was just as delighted to finally be running free again, so much that she would actually get frustrated when they stopped to rest. Not that the ponies didn't get their freedom in Erebor, they were let out daily in the fields just outside the mountain. But Hazel was a vagabond just like Vanya, and she had missed frolicking in the fields with her faithful faerie friend.

Vanya had actually tried granting the pony her freedom when she first made her decision to go to Lonely Mountain, but the animal had refused to leave her side. She had been with the elf-faerie since the age of two, when Vanya had come across her in a human village. The pony was being mistreated, and during the night Vanya had snuck into the stables and freed her. By the time her master realized what had happened they were long gone. Ten years had passed since then, just a brief moment in the life of an elf-faerie, but an eternity for a pony. They had become inseparable, and Hazel would stay with her for better or for worse.

By nighttime they had covered quite a bit of distance and since there wasn't even a full moon to guide them, eventually they had to make camp. They were in familiar territory at that point and it didn't take long for them to find a good spot to spend the night. Vanya laid out her blanket, and the minute she settled down on it exhaustion came to claim her. She tried fighting it off a bit, but as she looked out into the night sky towards the mountains beyond, her eyes betrayed her and she fell into a deep, profound sleep.

 

*****

“ _Vanya! Vanya run!!!”_

_Her mother's voice shook her in her sleep and woke her. Her mother's screams were muffled by the sounds of snarls and growling, deep, ugly voices that made her skin crawl even though she did not yet know what the cause of them was._

“ _Mama, mamaaaa!” she cried out. As her eyes adjusted to the darkness she started making out the source of the terrible noises, orcs and wargs had surrounded them in their sleep. Her mother was holding them off with her faerie powers, but there were so many of them that she was starting to succumb._

“ _Vanya run!!!!!”_

“ _No Mama!”_

“ _Vanya, look out!!!” her mother screamed. Vanya turned to see a warg lunging at her, she could almost feel his rotten teeth piercing her skin when it yelped and was knocked to the side. She then heard her mother cry out and turned towards her again just in time to see the orcs and wargs closing in on her._

“ _Mamaaaa!” she cried out._

“ _Ruuunnn... ruu...” and her voice came to a stop._

_Vanya could wait no longer. She started running, as fast as she could. She could hear footsteps and snarling behind her, it was another warg and he was catching up with her. She ran faster and faster and then she tripped over the root of a tree. As she stumbled to the ground the warg got closer, she could hear his heavy breathing, he was right behind her, she could feel his foul breath on the back of her neck....._

*****

The breathing, Vanya started trembling as soon as she became aware of it, heavy breathing right above her. Her eyes shot open and her heart stopped in her chest as she saw the dark figure looming over her. As her eyes slowly adjusted to the first rays of the sun she saw them, two black eyes staring down at her.

Then she breathed a sigh of relief, smiled and said “You're here!”

 


	9. Lazurite

Sitting right by Vanya's side – as he had been for the past few hours, patiently waiting for her to awaken – was a tiny red dragon, not much bigger than Hazel.

Vanya's eyes lit up the minute she saw him, and she jumped to her feet and threw her arms around the dragon's neck, squeezing so hard he could hardly breath.

“Oh Lazurite! You have no idea how much I've missed you!”

The dragon let out a muffled verse that resembled laughter and nuzzled his snout against her neck like a dog happy to see his human companion come home _“I have missed you too milady! So many times I was tempted to come to you!"_

“No Lazurite, that would have been very dangerous! I told you I would come the first chance I had. I wasn't even sure you had heard my call last night, I was so exhausted I fell asleep while summoning you. Come, we need to find cover, the sun will have completely risen soon!”

Vanya quickly gathered her things and mounted Hazel, and the three of them took off towards the nearest gathering of trees. It didn't take them long to find cover and soon the two old friends were happily settled in the woods and Vanya was telling him all about her first few months at the Lonely Mountain.

*****

Lazurite was a Fire-Drake, and was still very, very young, hence his tiny size. He'd had the misfortune of being born without the ability to breathe fire, and so he had been shunned by his clan and cast out into the woods to fend for himself when he was but a hatchling, an exile much like the elf-faerie who found him not long after. He was not much bigger than a small dog, and despite all the horrible tales Vanya had heard about dragons, she just could not bear to leave the poor creature there, alone and defenseless. She knew a hatchling couldn't possibly survive without the proper care and guidance, by driving him away they had practically sentenced him to death.

The dragon did not speak aloud but was able to comunicate with Vanya. When she first found him she didn't know whether he was physically unable to speak or whether he just refused to, maybe as a consequence of his abandonment. The one thing she _was_ sure of was that he understood her when she spoke to him, because from the very beginning he had demonstrated his ability to comprehend everything she said. After a while she noticed that not only was he able to understand her, he was also able to perceive her thoughts, and with time he started communicating with Vanya in the same way. It was then that the dragon informed her of his inability to breathe fire and how - because of this - he was considered a disgrace to the entire dragon race, both Fire-Drakes _and_ Cold-Drakes.

The elf-faerie had never experienced telepathy with any other living creature before this, although she had noticed that animals were often responsive to her words. The first time she had heard the dragon's thoughts it had scared her senseless. She was preparing their evening meal and had her back to him at the time. She jokingly asked him if he preferred eggs or cheese, and the dragon said he would much rather have rabbit.

Vanya had turned to him overjoyed “Lazurite, you _can_ talk!!!”

And the dragon had responded “ _Of course I can,_ all _dragons can talk. I was just not ready_ _to speak to you yet”_. Except his mouth hadn't moved.

When Vanya had asked him why he did not speak out loud he said he simply did not know. And when he had asked her how _she_ could hear _his_ thoughts, she had answered in the same way. In other words, neither of them could explain what was happening, what this strange connection between the two of them was, but they didn't care. They were both just happy to be able to communicate with one another.

Vanya kept Lazurite with her at all times during the first few years of his life, leaving him only when she needed to get supplies from the villages of the menfolk. But even though he was a bit of a runt and growing slowly, he _was_ growing, and eventually they both realized that Vanya's world was no place for a dragon, it was much too dangerous and it would only get worse as he got bigger. Reluctantly they decided that it would be better for him to go off and live where he could move about freely, without having to worry about being seen. Lazurite found a cave just beyond the Iron Hills, far from the other races of Middle Earth and also far from the other dragons which lived in the Northern Waste beyond the Grey Mountains. It had been a sad decision to make for both of them but they vowed that their friendship would never end and they promised to always be there for each other. It was only after Lazurite had departed and they were separated for the first time that they had discovered that Vanya was able to summon him even over great distances. They were both overjoyed at this new revelation knowing that it would keep them close despite the many miles that divided them.

The years passed and the two friends remained faithful to their promise, Vanya would call out to the dragon every opportunity she had and in the end it was as though he had never left in the first place. The only person who knew about the dragon was Gandalf, and he had sworn that he would never, under any circumstances, reveal their secret. Dragons were considered vile, evil creatures, associated with death and destruction, and no one would ever have believed that Lazurite was unlike all the rest, just like Vanya was unlike the malicious faeries from which she descended.

When Gandalf had made his proposition to Vanya, one of her biggest concerns had been moving even farther from the tiny dragon. This had troubled her just as much – if not more – than leaving her life in the wilderness for a secluded mountain. More than the distance, it was _where_ she was moving that worried her. Living inside the Lonely Mountain meant having little or no access to the outdoors and – as a result – to her faraway friend. Not to mention that she would be living amongst one of the dragon's most formidable enemies: the dwarves. The deeply rooted hatred between the two species had grown even more after Smaug had driven the dwarves of Erebor from their home. Not only would she not be able to go to him, he would not not be able to come to her, ever. She didn't even want to think about what the dwarves would do should they ever discover her affinity with him.

The elf-faerie had summoned the dragon the minute Gandalf had left and they had discussed the matter the whole night. Despite Vanya's reluctance, Lazurite had done nothing but encourage her, for Gandalf was right, he had seen the girl suffer many times, he had seen her deal with deceipt and betrayal and he wanted nothing more than to see her finally happy. Dragons were solitary creatures, and he was quite content with his life in the mountains, but he knew that she could not live her eternal, immortal life as a hermit. Eventually the solitude would consume her.

They spent the whole night arguing about the matter, Lazurite kept insisting and begging Vanya to accept the Prince's offer. He had faith that in the long run it would do her good and that they would still be able to meet with each other, even if not as frequently as they were accustomed to. He feared – like Gandalf – that if she missed this opportunity she might never have another.

Once Lazurite had left, she had given it some more thought, and finally decided she would accept the position. She prepared the few possessions she had and waited for Gandalf to return. They had set off together, separating after a while so that Gandalf could proceed on his own to the mountain and fetch the Prince. In the meantime, Vanya had summoned Lazurite again and informed him of her decision. They stayed together until Gandalf's return, and then Lazurite had hidden in the woods while Fili and Vanya had made their acquaintance. Once Fili had left to discuss the issue with his wife and uncle, Gandalf and Lazurite had spent some more time with Vanya, trying to convince her that she had made the right decision.  The elf-faerie was still torn about accepting the offer and when it was finally time to go, it was with much regret that Vanya said her farewell to the tiny dragon, with the solemn promise that she would visit him every chance she got. 

*****

The hours passed quickly while Vanya told the dragon about how delightful the dwarf child was, how well Akara and Fili treated her, and how she had developed a special bond with Kili. She told him all about the lifestyle of the dwarves, the wonders of their hidden city and even about the special terrace they had made just for her. Last but not least, she spoke at length about Thorin Oakenshield and how he was the one thing that was making her residency in the mountain difficult. Before they knew it night was falling.

“ _Vanya, you need to rest a while and then start heading back. It took you a day to get here, it will take just as long to make your return”._

“ I should have requested at least another day. What a fool I am. I don't even know when I will have the chance to see you again.”

“ _Do not rush things milady. You will surely be given more opportunites to leave the mountain_ _as time goes by_ _. And I will always be here waiting.”_ Then he smiled and took her hand _“Look at you._ _Only three_ _months and already I can see there is something different about you. Your heart..._ _it's warmer._ _”_

 Vanya seemed almost frightened by those words, but before she could reciprocate he added “ _you need to sleep now my dear, I shall keep watch and wake you when it is time for you to go_.”

As much as she wished she could just keep talking she knew he was right. She needed to get back to Erebor before dark the next day.

She laid down on the soft leaves and within minutes she was sound asleep. She did not dream of the wargs that night, instead she dreamt of happier times, when her mother was still alive. Lazurite woke her just before dawn and with tears in her eyes Vanya once again said farewell to her faithful friend, mounted on her pony, and headed back to the Lonely Mountain.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the lovely artwork by Anne Stokes that inspired me to turn what was meant to be a smutty one shot into a longer story.
> 
> I saw it and said "That's her!", then I named her, then I named the dragon, and then all of a sudden a smutty one-shot just wasn't enough anymore. 
> 
>  
> 
> So, here they are: Vanya & Lazurite  
> [](http://s1065.photobucket.com/user/Ruby_Tuesday70/media/Vanya%20and%20Lazurite_zpsyprm6rmf.jpg.html)  
> 
> 
> (Please note: This drawing precedes the events in this story, in the current timeline Lazurite has grown to be a bit bigger than he is in this picture, like I mentioned in this chapter, he is more or less the size of Vanya's pony, Hazel).


	10. Return to Dwarf Mountain

Vanya arrived back to the Lonely Mountain just before dark. She was not that far from the gate when she saw Kili riding towards her.

She had been melancholic the whole time on her way back, but as soon as she caught sight of the smiling young dwarf her face lightened up. Once they were close they both dismounted and Vanya all but threw herself in his arms, Kili was so excited to see her he lifted her off her feet and twirled her around. It was only then that she realized that a part of her was actually happy to be back, not so much for the mountain itslef, but for the dwarves she had come to care for.

“Welcome back!!!” he said “I was starting to worry, it's almost dark!”

Not long before Vanya would have felt annoyed by Kili's protective behavior, having taken care of herself for decades now, but as it was she found his concern heartwarming and gratifying. They walked the rest of the way back to the main gate, joking and laughing like two small children that hadn't seen each other in days.

As they approached the gate Vanya looked up towards the terrace, half expecting to find the King standing there, but he was nowhere to be seen. Before entering the mountain Vanya looked behind her one last time. Her encounter with Lazurite seemed like a flash in her mind already, how she wished she could have spent more time with him. Still she was glad that she'd had the opportunity. Lazurite was doing well, and he was right, with time she would probably have more chances to leave the castle, especially now that spring was here and summer was just around the corner.

“.....and I was thinking that you could come along if you like, what do you think? Vanya? Vanya?”

The elf-faerie suddenly snapped out her daze and looked at Kili with a confused look on her face.

“You weren't listening were you? Your mind is still out in the wild.”

“I'm sorry, yes, I got a bit distracted. Now tell me, where is it that we will be going?”

As they entered the gate Kili once again started explaining how every year, come spring, they would make a visit to Dale to visit with King Bard for a few days and do some trading both there and in Lake-town. Since Fili and Akara would go along, there was no reason for Vanya not to tag along too. Vanya was just about to respond when she was interrupted by the sound of Alana calling out to her and running towards her as fast as she could.

“Anya!!! Anya!!!” she raced up to her nanny and jumped in her arms as Vanya kneeled to her level.

“Hello there darling! Oh I've missed you so!!!” Vanya squeezed the little dwarf and then started tickling her, Alana giggled and tickled the elf-faerie back.

Akara and Fili soon caught up with her. Akara said “She wouldn't fall asleep, she was excited because she knew you were arriving tonight.”

“Welcome home Vanya” Fili said as he lifted a very restless Alana out of her arms “it's good to have you back”.

“ 'tory!” the child looked at her Nanny with hope and admiration.

“No love, Papa is going to have to read you your bedtime story tonight, your Nanny must be famished! Come, let's get you something to eat and then you can tell me all about your journey!”

As Akara dragged her away Vanya turned back and shouted, “Oh... and Kili, I would love to come to Dale with you all!” Then looked back at him one more time and said “and you were right, the cram is dreadful!”

Kili laughed as he watched her walk away, and then smirked while shaking his head.

“Are you thinking what I am brother?” Fili said.

“She has changed” Kili responded “she is still quite reserved, but she is opening up.” Then he looked towards his brother. “You made a wise choice you know. She is a good person, Gandalf was right once again”.

“Do you think our Uncle will ever feel the same?”

They stood their looking at each other, Kili was not really sure how to respond for deep down inside he feared that Thorin would never grow to accept the elf-faerie. With Bilbo it had been different, because there had never been any animosity between the dwarves and hobbits to begin with, they were just different in their habits. But an elf with faerie blood in her? What could have been worse? The only thing Thorin probably hated more than elves and fearies were dragons. Kili chuckled as he thought to himself _“well, at least she doesn't have dragon blood in her!_ ”

“ 'tory!!!”

“Sorry love, you are absolutely right!” Fili turned to his brother “Time for me to take this little critter up to bed. Are you coming back this way?”

“No, I think I will just take the ponies back to the stables myself and then catch up with the others.”

“Alright then, good night brother.”

Kili put his hand on his brother's shoulder and nodded then gave his niece a kiss on the forehead. “Sweet dreams little one.”

As the two brothers went their separate ways neither of them noticed their Uncle and Dwalin lurking in the shadows.

 

*****

“Did you really believe that she would not come back?” Dwalin asked.

“She _despises_ it here!” Thorin barked, his mood had clearly taken a turn for the worse since the elf-faerie's return

“She came here of her own will Thorin, and she is adapting better than what was to be expected. If she had planned on not returning she would have left sooner, she would not have needed an excuse.”

“Are you on her side now?” the King glared at his comrade, incredulous at what he was hearing. “Has she tainted your mind with her wicked sorcery? She has hasn't she? There is no other explanation, you of all dwarves! You have fallen victim of her enchantments!”

“Bah!!! Enough of this nonsense!” Dwalin also raised his voice “I am still wary of the girl Thorin, but this whole time she has not done one thing that leads me to believe she has inherited the mischievous and malicious nature of her ancestors. She is respectful, kind, polite, and she is just marvelous with the child. Yes, she is very reserved and rather detached in her emotions, but that can hardly be considered a sign of wickedness, do not forget she is part elf and thus shares some of their qualities. But she is _not_ evil Thorin”

“She is hiding something, I can _feel_ it!” the King's voice was harsh. “I still can not believe you were not able to stay on her trail!”

Dwalin was glad Thorin was not looking at him in that precise moment, for although his his eyes had not betrayed him the first time they had discussed this they surely would have this time. The truth was, he had _not_ lost her trail, he had stopped following the elf-faerie of his own will shortly after she had left the mountain. He hated lying to Thorin, not only was he his King, he was also his closest friend, they knew each other since childhood and were like brothers. But he was being unreasonable about the elf-faerie, more stubborn than usual. Dwalin had been just as suspicious as Thorin about Vanya and he had kept a very close eye on her during these past months - partially of his own will and partially because the King had asked him to - but as much as he hated to admit it, there was nothing wrong with her. The only thing that struck him as odd was the way she would sometimes fall into a trance, looking far off in the distance. But like he had said before, this was hardly a sign of witchery.

“I told you Thorin, Harley was startled by a snake, and you know how frightened he is of them, he froze and then went into a frenzy, by the time I was able to calm him down she was out of sight.”

“Hah! And you do not think the fae had anything to do with that?”

Dwalin rolled his eyes “she had no idea I was following her Thorin! It was just a fluke, bad luck.”

Thorin's eyes grew narrow again as he stared down the empty hall. “It does not end here. I have been avoiding her but since it appears your judgement is clouded, from now on I shall start keeping an eye on her myself”. Then he turned to his comrade and said in a more calm voice “Come now, I need some strong ale”. Dwalin nodded and the two friends headed off to the tavern.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was searching the web for Dwalin's pony's name (on one website it was mentioned that the white pony Dwalin is riding at the beginning is "Minty" but then I decided to name his pony "Harley" because I came across a few interviews where he said:  
> "I’m the scary biker of the group. I was actually hoping to call my pony ‘Harley’.  
> http://www.empireonline.com/interviews/interview.asp?IID=1603
> 
> Also, I came across some female and child dwarf pics while Googling the other day, and couldn't resist putting together this family pic of Fili, Akara and Alana.
> 
> [](http://s1065.photobucket.com/user/Ruby_Tuesday70/media/FILI%20AKARA%20ALANA%20AO3_zpsqiwjr3vs.jpg.html)


	11. Out of the Frying Pan, Into the Fire

Everything seemed to assume a new meaning to Vanya after her short trip to her homeland and her visit with Lazurite and in this new frame of mind Vanya's attitude towards her new life in the mountain improved greatly.

To begin with, the “newness” of the situation had worn off, the dwarf population had grown accustomed to her presence, and there was no more staring and whispering. Most of the dwarves paid little notice to her, while some seemed to have accepted her and were at least cordial towards her. Vanya always repaid them with the same courtesy. She rarely saw them in any case as she spent most of her time with Alana in a different part of the mountain that was reserved to Thorin's company. Which led to another reason her perspective had changed: even though Vanya still had a hard time moving around the immense and numerous halls of the kingdom, she had become completely comfortable in that particular corner of the mountain. Not to mention that after her return, Fili and Akara had granted Vanya more frequent outings. They had both noticed how reinvigorated she looked upon her return, her fair skin still light but pinkened by the sun, glowing, and her eyes sparkling more than usual, the gold speckles having regained their lively spunk. It was not that they had wished to deny her these outings in the first place, they simply were not used to considering them a necessity since dwarves rarely left their hidden kingdoms, especially the women. Her primary reason for being in the mountain was for Alana, so outings that lasted more than a day were still limited, but she was allowed daily outings once every couple of weeks. It wasn't enough time for her to meet with Lazurite as she wasn't able to get far enough from the mountain and she couldn't risk letting him come too close to Erebor, but it still gave her the chance to enjoy the sun and visit the surrounding area, and more often than not, Kili would join her.

Even Gandalf was pleased to see how well things were going. He had been to Erebor to check on her several times since she had moved into the mountain, and the last time in particular he had gotten a very good impression. As he watched her chat and sing along with the Bofur, Kili, and the others it had seemed to him like she had always been a part of their community. He only wished that Thorin would warm up to the girl, instead he seemed more and more averse towards her as time went by.

Vanya had noticed this too, especially since her return to the mountain after her short journey . While during her first months the King had seemed to avoid her just as much as she avoided him, lately he seemed to be much more present, almost as if he were monitoring her every move, scrutinizing her. She started feeling uncomfortable again, especially when he glared at her, for she could never overcome that feeling that her shield was useless against him and that he could see right through her. What little confidence she had mustered slowly vanished making her feel violated and vulnerable when he was around. This was the only fallback in what was otherwise starting to appear like the best decision she had ever made. She could only hope that eventually Thorin would get bored of her and start ignoring her again.

*****

After her return there had also been another change, even if only temporary. The dwarves of Erebor, including Thorin's company, were all busy preparing weapons, goods and crafts for the imminent trip to Dale, as such the after-dinner activites had been momentarily put aside. Akara was an exception to this as she already spent too much time away from her daughter during the day and wanted to be with her at least during the late hours of the afternoon. With everyone else occupied, Vanya had to find other ways to keep herself busy in the evening, not that she had a hard time doing so. Occasionally she would she would spend some time talking with Akara - although she preferred to give the Princess and her daughter as much privacy as she could – but most of the time she would just explore the parts of the mountain she was still unfamiliar with or spend some time reading in her chambers.

That evening Vanya had chosen to do some exploring and she had ventured farther than usual, with the result that she had – once again – gotten lost. Usually she would just keep walking until she eventually encountered someone that could put her back in the right direction, but with most of the dwarves being busy with the preparations for Dale she was having a hard time finding anyone, the mountain seemed deserted. Not only that, she had that strange feeling again, someone was following her. Ever since her arrival Vanya often had the strange sensation that someone was watching her, and she had always suspected that “someone” was Dwalin. That evening in particular the feeling was stronger than usual, and she was starting to feel very uneasy especially since she was in one of the darkest parts of the mountain. Suddenly the mountain didn't seem so friendly to her anymore, it seemed eerie and gloomy, like she had imagined it before she had moved there. She started walking faster, hoping that she would run into someone soon, or that Dwalin would just show his face so she could ask him how to get back to her quarters. That's when she heard it, the sound of footsteps, she was sure of it this time. Vanya's heart started beating faster, oddly enough in the wilderness Vanya knew how to keep her fear under control, how to deal with it, but in the mountain it was different, she was in unfamiliar territory. Just when she thought she would never get out of this labyrinth of dark halls she saw a light further up. She headed towards it immediately and found herself overlooking one of the lower levels of the mountain. The elf-faerie breathed a sigh of relief, from where she was she could see Dwalin talking to his brother and Bofur. She giggled to herself, she was becoming paranoid and imagining things again, just like she had the day she left the mountain and thought for sure that Dwalin was following her. It turned out she was wrong that time too. They were too far below to see her but maybe they would hear her if she shouted loud enough. She took a deep breath and was just about to call out to them when she was violently pushed from behind.

Despite her tiny size, Vanya was anything but fragile, she had the grace and lightness of the elves, and this made her just as resilient as they were when it came to moving about, but she had been caught completely off guard and the unexpected blow sent her tumbling roughly to the ground, face forward.

“You wench! I'll make your life a living hell!!!”.

Vanya turned to see who the angry voice belonged to and was shocked to discover that it was a female dwarf, not anyone she recognized though.

“You don't belong here you filthy hybrid! You're an abomination! Why don't you go back to where you belong!?!?!”

Before she knew it the dwarf was on top of her, hitting her and scratching at her like a wild animal. The next few minutes were a blur, she covered her face to protect her eyes as the dwarf kept striking her over and over again. She didn't even have time to think when one of the blows caused her head to jerk back, hitting the hard rock paving beneath her with such force that it knocked her out. As her world went temporarily black she heard a male's voice roaring.

“ENOUGH!!! Have you gone mad?!”

She couldn't make out anything else because her ears were buzzing, but she could still hear them shouting at each other as she scrambled to her feet. When she had finally managed to stand her head started spinning again and she lost her balance, but as she stumbled a strong arm wrapped around her waist, interrupting her fall and lifting her off the ground. Vanya didn't have the strength to speak or open her eyes, but she didn't need to do so in order to recognize who was carrying her. She could sense it, even as a shiver tingled down her spine she knew, it was the King himself.

“ _This can't be happening_ ” she thought to herself “ _from the frying pan to the fire_ ”.

As much as she wanted to speak up and tell him she would do just fine on her own she knew she couldn't. Even if she wasn't incapacitated from the aggression she was still lost, and he was her only hope in that moment. So she just remained still, her eyes tightly shut so she wouldn't have to see his piercing stare, and hoped this nightmare would be over as soon as possible.

*****

It took a while but they finally reached her chambers, Thorin entered her room and placed her on the bed. He looked down at her, she looked even tinier than usual. Her delicate skin was already bruising and a streak of blood was making its way down her forehead from a nasty cut.

The elf-faerie stirred, then she finally opened her eyes and looked up at him. Her words were barely a whisper “Thorin, thank...”

“You are bleeding.” he interrupted her. His voice was cold as usual and his tone seemed more accusatory than concerned. He started moving back from her bed. “I'll send someone to...”

“No!” This time she was the one to interrupt as she jumped up to grab his wrist, wincing at the pain that shot through her head due to the sudden movement. Thorin looked down at her hand on his wrist and then he glared at her, she let go just as suddenly as she had grabbed him.

“I am fine, no one needs to know about this, please.” then her voice cracked and she leaned back.

Thorin studied her eyes. The various cuts and bruises were nothing to worry about, but he had seen the way her head hit the concrete pavement. A human would have suffered a severe concussion from a terrible blow like that, even a dwarf would have. How she was even conscious in this precise moment he didn't know. Could she truly be that strong? He had felt it even when she grabbed his arm, he could still feel it now, her fingers firmly wrapped around his wrist as if she were still holding on to him. Despite her wounds, that grip wasn't weak. Still, she needed help right now, he could not ignore what had happened.

“You are being stubborn and ridiculous” he growled “you need assistance, put your pride aside for now!”

“Is that what you think this is about? My _pride_? And you of all people dare call _me_ stubborn?” she raised her voice to him for the first time since she had arrived to the mountain. Thorin looked at her, surprised by the sudden outburst.

“You may despise me Thorin Oakenshield, and you might not care that I was just attacked by one of the members of your community, but your nephews and Akara do care about me! How do you think they would react if they discovered what the dwarf maiden did to me? Do you really think they would just let it go unpunished? Do you think they would just _ignore_ it? How do you think they treat her after this?”

Thorin stared at her for a few moments as her words sank in. Then he let out a deep breath. “You are bruised, and bleeding. How do you expect to hide what happened?”

“I had already taken my leave for the evening. Fili and Akara do not expect to see me again until tomorrow morning. By then most of my wounds will have healed and even if they should notice I will just tell them I fell down the stairs.”

Thorin turned and walked out of the room without saying another word.

Vanya shook her head. She hadn't expected anything different. She had just started to doze off when she heard the door creaking again, and she jumped, wincing again at the pain in her head. The King entered and closed the door behind him.

“Thorin?”

He could see that he had startled her and that she was surprised to see him come back.

“Did you expect me to just leave without tending to your wounds? If you will not let me call on someone else I am forced to do it myself.”

“You are not _forced_ to do anything, I told you I'm fine, I will heal by morning”.

“And in the meantime we will clean the wounds regardless of your mystical healing powers”. Thorin said the last three words with a hint of mockery in his voice.

Vanya sighed realizing there was no way out of this predicament. She sat up right as Thorin sat on the bed next to her and found herself face to face with the one dwarf she had been trying to avoid since her arrival. This was the first time the two had had ever been in the same room together, alone for that matter, and also the first time they had actually had a conversation, if you could call it that. Suddenly she felt very self conscious, they were sitting much too close for for her taste but she refused to move away and give him the satisfaction of knowing he made her uncomfortable, so she stayed put. Plus he had to clean her wounds, that was the reason he was there in the first place.

He was holding a bowl with an ointment and a small rag and he started with the ugly cut on her forehead. He reached out to brush her hair back since it was covering the wound and she flinched before he even touched her. Thorin raised an eyebrow, amused by her reaction, and then continued, tucking her hair behind her ear so he could have access to her wound. He then applied some of the ointment to her cut. It didn't burn like she imagined, rather it felt cool and soothing, and even Thorin's touch was more delicate than she had expected. Slowly she started relaxing, and as much as she wanted to lower her gaze, she managed not to. The only thing left to do was look into his eyes, the icy blue eyes that troubled her so. For some reason that night they appeared less piercing than usual and it turned out to be a lot easier for her to look into them than she thought. It was only when he finished cleaning her wound and looked right back at her that the situation became a little awkward, and she couldn't refrain from lowering her gaze shyly. He then cleaned her smaller wounds and when he had finally finished he said “Turn around”.

“What?” Vanya snapped out of her her daze and looked up at him.

“The biggest wound is on the back of your head, I need for you to turn around so I may treat it.”

“That's not necessary” Vanya replied, “I'm sure it's fine.”

Thorin's lips tightened. “You are being stubborn again, you hit your head so hard that anyone else in you place would still be unconscious, now turn around and let me take care of it so we can be done with this.”

Vanya sighed and shifted around so that she had her back to him. She felt vulnerable in this position and she tensed up again. Then she felt Thorin's hand on the back of her head, his thick fingers combing through her hair trying to find the wound. She instinctively arched her back the minute he started doing so and closed her eyes, her reserved nature had lead her to avoid any physical contact at all and the touch of his hands felt strange to her, and also oddly pleasant. Suddenly she felt a sharp pain as Thorin located the wound and she jumped, moving away from him.

“Be still” he ordered, and put his hands firmly on her shoulders, pulling her back to him. He then used both hands to part her hair so that the lump was exposed and started rubbing the ointment on it as gently as he could. In parting her long hair he had also exposed her neck, and Vanya could feel his warm breath caressing her skin. She closed her eyes again, she was feeling dizzy, light-headed, the blow to her head must have been worse than she thought.

As Thorin continued, she started relaxing again, when all of a sudden she felt his hand on her back and she snapped back to her senses, moving away from him abruptly.

“Enough, you may go now.” she said in a firm voice.

Thorin hadn't done it intentionally, he had just casually placed it there while treating her lump. He was surprised by her sudden reaction when she jumped at his touch.

“Vanya, is your back also hurt?”

“No, I'm fine, you may go now.”

“Are you sure? You jumped when I touched you, let me look...” he looked concerned, but Vanya's response was harsh.

“No! My back is fine, now please, just let me rest, I am feeling tired.”

Thorin's face became stern again in response to her reaction, and without adding another word he stood up and walked over to the door.

Before he could leave Vanya called out to him.

“Thorin, forgive me, I am still shaken by what happened. Thank you, I truly appreciate what you have done for me.”

Thorin remained silent, facing the door. Then in a bitter voice and without turning towards her he spoke.

“Many of the dwarf women of this kingdom hoped to watch after my nephew's daughter, it is the greatest honor for a female dwarf to fulfill such a role. Imagine what it must have felt like to them to be robbed of such a possibility and to see the position being fulfilled by someone pertaining to the two races dwarves despise most.”

Vanya's mouth dropped open, she couldn't believe he was saying these things to her after what he had just done. The King continued.

“I do not condone what she did, her violent behaviour is unacceptable, and despite what you think I will not let it go unpunished. I also would not have dreamed of leaving an injured person unattended. But do not mistake my common sense for compassion. I was not in agreement with my nephew regarding his decision to bring you here, and nothing has changed. You do not belong here Vanya, your place is not among the dwarves. Never forget that.”

And with those final words he stormed out of her chambers, leaving Vanya both desolated and furious that he would choose this moment to unleash his bitterness on her. She came close to crying that night, but she refused to give in to such emotions for someone as cold-hearted as the King, so she summoned her inner strength and let her sadness be transformed into anger. She would not let Thorin Oakenshield ruin things for her, and she certainly would not not let him drive her out of Erebor.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there you go, Thorin & Vanya finally interact, and from here on they will be doing so more and more.  
> I was really nervous about this chapter, any feedback is greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading. :)


	12. Insomnia

Thorin Oakenshield lay in his bed, eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling and unable to sleep.   
  
He had spent the whole day discussing the final arrangements regarding the trip to Dale with Dwalin, Balin and Bofur and despite the dwarves' exceptional endurance he was starting to feel the weight of the preparations that had been going on for weeks, so much that he had decided to retire for a good night's sleep instead of joining the others for the usual nightcap in the tavern. The last thing he had expected as he was parting from his friends was that he would instead end up playing nursemaid to his grandniece's nanny, the last person he desired to spend his time with, especially on a night like this. And to make matters worse, he was now unable to get the incident out of his mind. 

 

The mountain was so silent that evening that it hadn’t taken long for him to hear the commotion coming from the end of the dark corridor, and he had quickened his pace wondering what on earth’s name could possibly be going on. He had turned the corner just in time to see Vanya’s head violently hit the pavement as the female dwarf kept striking her, not at all concerned about the fact that the unconscious elf-faerie was no longer in the condition to defend herself anymore. Thorin had recognized the aggressor immediately, it was Eris, a young dwarf maiden that had not hesitated to hide her discontent and resentment towards the elf-faerie from the moment it had been announced that she was to be Alana’s new nanny. He had always known Vanya’s arrival would be the cause of malcontent among the other candidates - and he couldn’t blame them - but he had never imagined they would resort to violence. And he had not been lying when he told Vanya he did not condone such behavior. The King wanted nothing more than to see the elf-faerie leave his kingdom, but at the same time he would not tolerate any of his people bringing her harm. He would have to deal with Eris first thing in morning.

 

Thorin let out a deep sigh and tried closing his eyes again. No sooner had he done so his thoughts went back to Vanya, how vulnerable she had seemed despite her tough demeanor. She had tried not to show it but she was shaken, and rightfully so. He also knew that Eris’ attack wasn’t the only thing that had affected her: Vanya was well aware of his harsh feelings towards her, and just as he had felt “forced” and obligated to assist her, she had most likely felt “forced” to allow it. He could only assume she was just as irritated about their encounter as he was. Despite his antipathy towards the elf-faerie Thorin was unable to hold back a chuckle as he recalled how she had pretended to still be unconscious as he carried her back to her chambers, her eyes tightly shut so to avoid any accidental eye contact. Not that he could hold it against the poor girl, in the few months she’d been there they had never been alone together, they’d never even had a conversation for that matter and he couldn’t deny that the situation had indeed been quite awkward. He had actually almost considered not going back to her, she had insisted he leave her be and he knew very well that if she had recovered so quickly from that blow on her head the other cuts and bruises would heal even faster. He believed her when she said she didn’t need any assistance, he had no doubt that she must have survived even worse situations in all these years on her own. Still, despite the fact that the simple sight of her aggravated him he just had not been able to walk away, she had been assaulted by one of his dwarves and he would see to it she was attended to properly. 

 

Not to mention that he had tried to look at the situation from a different perspective: he had been trying for weeks to discover as much about the elf-faerie as he could, first through Dwalin and - when his comrade did not succeed in bringing him any useful information - he had tried spying on her himself. Unfortunately, he hadn’t been any more successful than Dwalin had been. After weeks of following her and studying her every movement he could do nothing but confirm what his faithful comrade had already told him, Vanya was modest, respectful, courteous towards all and always polite. She was very well educated and performed her duties as a nanny diligently and competently, regardless of the the fact that she had lived alone most her life and apparently had never worked with children before. Last but not least she was caring, warmhearted and sympathetic towards others, especially those closest to her. It hadn’t been that way at first, her reserved nature had made her seem detached and almost non empathetic, and this had only fueled his doubts about her and made him wonder why Gandalf would even consider proposing her for the job in the first place. But after a while she had slowly opened up to his nephews and the members of his company and they, in turn, had been just as quick to accept her amongst their community, treating her almost as though she were one of their own. To make matters worse, Kili treated her like  _ family _ . Thorin cringed every time he heard the young Prince refer to her as “little sister”, although at the same time he was relieved that his nephew had at least lost any romantic interest in the girl that he seemed to have at first. He had seemed quite smitten with her from the moment she arrived and Thorin had feared for the worst, the last thing he needed was for his nephew to fall for an elf-faerie. It was bad enough that everyone seemed to adore her. Even Dwalin had reconsidered his position towards the girl.

 

Despite the fact that all the evidence seemed to rule in her favor the King refused to let himself be charmed and lead astray by these qualities like the others had, he was still more than convinced that the young woman was hiding something. Maybe some direct contact would  actually turn out to be useful, and with that ulterior motive in mind he had returned to her chambers. Unfortunately nothing had come of it. Regardless of the fact that she had just been attacked by the dwarf maiden her only concern was to keep the incident hidden so that Eris would not suffer any consequences.

 

He sighed as the image of the elf-faerie crept into his mind once again, determined to not let him rest. She had seemed fragile lying on her bed when he had returned, but not because of her injuries. There was another thing Thorin had noticed about her over the past few months and it was that he made her nervous. More often than not she would be able to maintain her composure but he could always tell when his presence was putting her resolve to the test, such was the case as he had sat on the bed beside her.

 

Usually the thought of putting her on the edge pleased him, he liked knowing she felt intimidated by him, but not in that precise moment. As he had reached out to brush a strand of hair away from one of her wounds she had flinched, and for some reason that had surprised him and, oddly, it had troubled him. Suddenly he had wanted for her to feel relaxed, not uncomfortable or intimidated. As he tended to her wounds he had to tried to be as gentle as possible, avoiding her gaze so that she would not feel uneasy. He had felt her slowly relaxing, even after he had made her turn around with her back to him, and for a moment he had almost forgotten who she was and why he felt so hostile towards her. For a moment all he had seen was a young woman, a graceful young woman, not an elf, nor a faerie, and he probably had not even been aware of how his breathing had gotten heavier as he parted her hair, exposing her neck, taking in her delicate scent. He had almost finished when he inadvertently placed his hand on her back, causing her to pull away and snap at him. It was her harsh reaction, her stern voice that snapped him out of his daze, reminding him who she was and how he felt about her. In return he had been even more harsh than she had, immediately voicing his disdain and his pent up frustration. He knew very well she hadn’t expected that reaction from him, not in that precise moment anyway after he had made her feel at ease and she had let down her guard. He could see she was hurt by the look on her face, but he hadn't cared. It annoyed him that he had let himself get enraptured by the moment in the first place, it annoyed him that he was now feeling guilty for lasting out at her and most of all it annoyed him that the whole incident was still eating away at him instead of letting him sleep.

 

Thorin tossed and turned a few more times before getting out of bed and pacing angrily towards the terrace, now resigned to the fact that he would not be getting any rest that night. He lit up his pipe and stepped outside into the cold air. He could see her balcony from where he was, a dim light flickering by the window. He grumbled and hoped she was having just as hard a time sleeping as he was. 

 

The others didn’t understand, they thought he was being irrational and unreasonable and they refused to believe his motives. In part Thorin couldn’t blame them. Faeries had practically disappeared from Middle Earth long before most of the dwarves of Erebor were even born. It was rumored that they were not completely extinct, that a few of them remained hidden away in the depths of the earth to protect themselves, but so long had passed since the last sightings that the rumors were believed to be false. Considering that they hardly presented a threat anymore they were rarely ever mentioned, some of the dwarves from the younger generations were not even familiar with their history. Thorin, on the other hand, had heard quite enough about them when he was a child, as his grandfather and some of the elders had encountered faeries during their youth and often told stories about their mischievous doings. And some of those stories were downright frightful.

 

In all fairness, the faerie race had always be known to be ambiguous and equivocal and it was hard to classify them as either “good” or “bad”. Even Thorin knew that honest, kind faeries did exist, and they were kinder than any woman, dwarf or elf that had ever existed. They were the guardians of nature and all living creatures, even able to communicate with them, and their magic was anything but dark. But they were also very rare, and unfortunately not enough to bring a good name to their race or change their bad reputation. For the most part faeries were selfish, deceptive and manipulative, prone to acts of vandalism and theft. They were a category of their own, shunned by both the good races and the bad since they chose sides according to what was more convenient for them in a given time, often betraying those they had aided only moments before. As a consequence they were trusted by no one, be it man, dwarves, elves, orcs or goblins.

 

The more malicious faeries did not hesitate to resort to murder or kidnapping. It was said that most of the faerie's magic was in their eyes, and the evil faeries used this to their advantage, easily seducing men so that they could steal their souls, thus sentencing them to death. Unlike the elves, faeries had exceptionally long lifespans - thousand of years even - but they were not immortal. The more souls a faerie was able to capture the longer they lived. Oddly, human milk was also known to increase the faerie’s powers and extend their youth, so women did not fare any better. They were often kidnapped to serve as nursemaids to faerie newborns, once they had served their purpose their soul was also taken and they were left to die. In other cases the faeries would steal children to use them as slaves, leaving a changeling in their place. Furthermore, most faeries were also quite vindictive, and the consequences of offending or upsetting them were terribly drastic, even if such actions had been accidental. They would immediately seek revenge by inflicting some form of punishment, and usually they would not go directly after the person that had offended them but after their possessions or loved ones. Families cursed by the faeries would see their crops wither year after year, or their livestock would fall ill. The poor animals would then either die or their produce would be affected, the chickens would lay rotten eggs and the cow’s milk would be sour. In the worst cases the evil fae would go as far as murdering the family’s children. 

 

Thorin shook his head and let out a long, deep sigh. With all this in mind, how could a few good, honest faeries change the general consensus on their entire race? And with all this in mind, how could his skepticism and mistrust be considered excessive and irrational? The king felt bitter towards Gandalf, this was no Hobbit they were talking about. The wizard had brought a  _ faerie _ into his kingdom. And even though the horrible stories had faded with time and the younger generations were unfamiliar with them, Gandalf was old enough to know them. What was he thinking when he brought her to Erebor? How could he convince his nephew to put his firstborn in this person's trust? True, she was a hybrid, part elf, and could very well not have one mischievous, evil bone in her body. But what if she did? Why was his sixth sense telling him she was hiding something?

Roäc, the raven, cried out and landed on the parapet beside him, breaking him out of his trance. As he looked out towards the horizon he could see the sun was starting to peek out from behind the mountains, it was almost daytime. He glanced towards Vanya’s terrace again and could still make out a dim light coming from inside. He grumbled under his breath and hoped the incident had kept her awake just as it had him. In the distance the city of Dale was starting to awaken. Dale. Soon they would leaving for the trading mission, and Vanya would be going with them. The visit to Dale and Laketown was a trip of both business and pleasure and - most of all - was reserved to Thorin’s family and the members of his company. He had been furious with Kili at first for inviting her on such an intimate trip, forcing him to spend even _more_ time with her, but then decided he would make the best of it and take it as another opportunity to study her closer. He grumbled again, the lack of sleep making him more irritable than usual. Actually, this _whole situation_ was making him more irritable than usual. Thorin wasn’t exactly known for his jovial attitude, but even he could not deny that his temper had worsened greatly since Vanya’s arrival. For his sake and those around him things couldn’t go on this way. He either had to find a way to get her out of his kingdom, or at least learn to tolerate her presence. but first he had to know more about her.

 

Before he went back into his chambers he took one last glance towards the elf-faerie's’s terrace, the light was no longer flickering but he could see her shadow fidgeting behind the curtains, she was awake. The image of her head hitting the pavement crossed his mind once again and he wondered if her wounds had completely healed. He thought of how she had jumped when he touched her back. What if she... his thoughts were briskly interrupted as a loud shriek pierced the air, making him jump. Roäc was glaring at him and shrieked again, almost as though he was scolding him for letting his thoughts go astray again. “Bah!” Thorin growled, shooing the bird away and stomping angrily into his chambers.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it has been ages since I updated, and if anyone is still following so sorry for the delay. Just had a really, really bad case of writer's block. On top of that, I have been working and mulling around this chapter for ages, so long in fact that I have gotten to the point where I basically hate it. So I figured that either I had to finish it and post the goshdarn thing, or just ditch the story altogether. So for now I decided to post it and move forward, especially since I have several future chapters already written out. Maybe later (much later) I will come back to this chapter and fix it up, or maybe not (at this point in the story I might actually have to go back and fix some minor details in the past chapters too, not sure). 
> 
> Anyway, my intention with this chapter was to finally give more insight on Thorin's POV, since up until now I haven't really focused on his thoughts and feelings so much. I also wanted to show how he is just slightly starting to feel conflicted about her, even though his feelings aren't romantic yet, although a bit of physical attraction might be starting to seep through, even though they are not aware of it yet. And I finally wanted to flesh out the faerie lore a bit more (the faeries in this story are modeled after evil faeries that exist in other universes, since there are no faeries in Tolkien's world I just googled evil faeries and borrowed here and there) . I have no idea if I succeeded in doing any of this so sorry if it's just long and boring instead.Hopefully from here on things will go better.
> 
> And once again, thanks to all who have left feedback, I really appreciate it.


	13. Doubts and Departure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a tiny filler chapter, since I decided to split the new chapter up. Hope you enjoy it anyway.

********************************

“Vanya! Vanya, hurry up, what is taking you so long? The others are all wait..….. Vanya?” Kili froze in his tracks in the doorway, his eyes wide. The elf-faerie was standing in the middle of her chambers, a gown crumpled in her hands and several other garments strewn across her bed. “What’s going on, why are you not ready yet?”

“I can’t go” she said in a low voice, her gaze fixed on the pavement.

“What?” Kili asked, not quite sure he had heard her correctly.

She looked up at him, in an obvious state of panic, and then looked back down as she repeated “I can’t go, I can’t go with you Kili, I… I…”

“Vanya, what on earth are talking about? What do you mean you can’t go with us, what’s wrong?”

“I just… I can’t, it’s… It’s not right… I… I don’t belong… I…”

“Vanya!” Kili walked over to her and put his hands on her shoulders shaking her and forcing her to look at him. He was surprised to see her eyes welling with tears, not to mention the fact that he had never seen her panic before. This behavior was odd for her and it worried him. “Vanya, calm down, just… breathe, alright, breathe, relax. Come here.” He pulled her towards him and hugged her, rocking her gently. “Now, what is this nonsense about you not coming with us?”

Vanya pulled away from him and as she looked up at him he was relieved to see she was a bit more relaxed. “Kili, this is a family matter, I have no business coming along…”

“And how many times have I told you that you _are_  family?” Kili interrupted.

“Except I'm not Kili, and…” her voice cracked and she looked down at the pavement again.

“It’s because Uncle Thorin is with us, isn’t it?”

“No…”

Kili grinned and tilted his head to the side, his eyebrows raised.

“Alright, well, yes, maybe that is partly the reason but it’s not the…”

“Vanya, you are coming with us, you promised me weeks ago, and I will not have it any differently, understood?”

She looked up at him and sighed, knowing that he was not going to stop until she agreed. “Fine” she responded, and then looked around at the disaster she had made. “I’ll gather my things and join you in a tiny bit.”

“Perfect” Kili said with a grin, and then gave her a peck on the forehead before darting off. As he disappeared out the doorway he shouted back “And you’d best make it quick, Uncle Thorin has already lost his patience!”

“Kiliiii!!!” she shouted after him, stomping her foot, then she sighed and started packing her things as fast as she could.

Kili was right, she was nervous about being on this trip with Thorin. Erebor was immense, dispersive, and even though she did see him everyday it was only for a few moments, usually during meals. They had in fact been in close contact only once - the night she had been attacked by the dwarf maiden - and that had been more than enough for her. Things had been more awkward than ever after that incident, and the less she saw him the better. But during this trip they would be spending much more time together and the thought alone made her feel uncomfortable.

However, that wasn’t the only reason she was having second thoughts. Things had changed for her since she moved to Erebor. She had become attached to the Princes, Akara, and most of Thorin's company and she felt at ease with them. But before that she had been a loner, and only made visits to human villages when she needed supplies she couldn't get elsewhere . She felt just as uncomfortable around humans as she did around other races, for humans had been no kinder to her than elves and faeries had. They would always look at her with disdain, especially since they were unsure of her origins. Humans tended to be confused regarding her race, faeries had been gone for so long that no one considered her to be one, and it was probably better that way. In the early years of her life, and especially around the time faeries started becoming extinct, she had been forced to stay hidden away. Most of her kind had done horrible things to the humans, and when the faerie's numbers started dwindling the humans started seeking revenge. Fortunately with time faeries were forgotten, and it became safe for Vanya to venture into human territory. Still, she was different, and like all things that are different, she was shunned. People did not know what to make of her, she looked like an elf but was as small as a dwarf, so she was often considered a freak of nature.

She had been excited when Kili had asked her to go along with them to Dale and on the spur of the moment she had accepted. But the closer the day of the departure got, the more doubtful she became. She hadn’t wanted to go to the Lonely Mountain at first either, but to her surprise it had become a part of her. Of course it wasn’t the ideale location for her, and she still missed her outdoor life and Lazurite greatly. But in a funny way the mountain had become familiar to her. In Erebor she felt secure - despite what had happened with Eris - and she felt comfortable - despite the antagonism between her and Thorin. Most of all she felt loved again. Dale, on the other hand, was unfamiliar territory. It was one of the few villages she had never been to, and she had no idea how they would react to her presence. The fact that she was traveling with the dwarves did not console her, especially since she knew they would be busy at times and she would have to manage on her own. She should have said no, she should have used this time to go visit Lazurite. But now it was too late for that.

She grabbed the last few things and rushed down to the main entrance praying that Thorin would already be at the front of the party so she wouldn’t have to confront him. Her anxiety turned into embarrassment as she turned the last corner and caught sight of the others, like Kili had said they were all waiting for her, and Thorin and his pony were standing right next to Hazel, he was visibly annoyed, his face stern and unforgiving. She felt her cheeks burning as she approached him, and she forced herself to look up at him although she was able to hold his gaze for only a few seconds before looking down again and scurrying over to her pony.

“Do we have your permission to take leave now Lady Vanya?” he said as she mounted Hazel.

Vanya had never heard him use such a sarcastic tone before, and even though his remark made her feel more embarrassed than she already was she couldn't help glaring at him. She opened her mouth to snap back at him despite knowing that she was indeed at fault, but then she realized that the others were all staring at the two of them, so instead she turned to them and with a nod she said “My apologies, it was not my intention to slow you all down.”

“No worries lass, we still have plenty of time to get to Dale!” The response came from the last person she expected it from and Vanya turned her head to be sure her ears weren’t playing tricks on her. She had no doubts about Dwalin’s sincerity this time, his smile was genuine and when he winked at her she suddenly felt at ease again. He then motioned to the others, ignoring the dirty look Thorin was giving him, and within minutes they were all heading out of the Lonely Mountain and into the sun.

*****

As the party moved along amidst chattering and laughter, Vanya couldn't help but be amused by their attitude in regards to this trip, not so much with regards to the preparations but to the actual voyage. Dale was in fact only a few hours away, but to the dwarves - who left the mountain as little as possible and only when strictly necessary - it was as though they were going on a much longer journey. This was especially the case for Akara, who - aside from Vanya - was the only other woman on the trip, even Dis had only taken part in these journeys a couple of times. Vanya watched as the dwarrowdam’s eyes grew wider and wider with amazement as they moved on, and even though she knew the dwarrowdams remained in the mountain by their own choice and not because they were forced to, suddenly it all seemed very unfair to her.

After a while they had still only covered a tiny part of the distance and Vanya began to understand why they had such a different notion about traveling. The dwarves were sturdy and stout, not nimble or swift, and as a consequence neither were their ponies, having adjusted over time to the dwarves’ pace. Hazel on the other hand was quick and agile like her rider, and she was having a very difficult time trying to maintain the slow pace the dwarves had set. Vanya would have covered a much greater distance had she been on her own. At first the elf-faerie kept her pony at bay, but the fresh air and the sun made her giddy and after a while she couldn't resist breaking away from the others and racing ahead, Hazel neighing with joy. Seconds later she heard cheering behind her and turned to see Kili and Bofur trying to catch up with her. They were no match for her though, and she taunted them, doubling back towards them and then racing forward once more, over and over again. Soon even Fili joined in, a bit more cautious since he was carrying Alana, whose joyful laughter could probably be heard miles away. Last but not least, Dwalin let out a playful roar and he and Harley chased after the rest of them at full gallop. She could see that Thorin - still furious from before - was becoming even more aggravated by their behavior, but her newly found understanding with Dwalin had boosted her confidence and she didn’t care, she was not going to let the broody King ruin her fun. She was having such a good time that she was a little disappointed when she went over the last hill and saw the city of Dale up ahead in the distance. Then she looked back at the rest of her traveling companions and smiled, and suddenly everything was right again.

 

 

 

 


	14. Dale - part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, I know it has been forever since my last update and for those following I am so sorry, I had completely lost motivation and inspiration, not to mention having little time for my hobbies. I had actually written this chapter a while back but I had a hard time considering it "complete". Since it's been a while, I hope it flows well with the previous chapters. I think about the story so much in my head that I'm afraid of messing it up when I put it down in writing. I was also a little uncertain of the ending of this chapter too, seems a little abrupt maybe? I dunno, couldn't think of another way to end it. Anyway, enough of me worrying. I count on your feedback to fix any issues that need fixing. And if you are reading, thanks for sticking with me despite the long pause! *hugs*

They arrived in Dale around mid-day, Thorin still muttering about how late it was and throwing angry glances in the elf-faerie’s direction. As they passed through the city gates however, he quickly lost interest in the girl when he caught sight of Bard approaching them, Bain at his side. Vanya, on the other hand, was overcome with mixed emotions. Part of her was still giddy from the journey and the excitement of finally being out of the mountain and on her way to explore a new city, but another part of her was still very much on edge about having to interact with strangers again. And the thought of meeting the King of Dale only made her more nervous.

“You are growing old my friend” Bard called out laughing as he reached the dwarve’s party, a big grin on his face. He and Thorin dismounted and shared a hearty hug, patting each other on the back “it is not like you to arrive so late in the day!”

Thorin immediately turned towards Vanya and scowled. In response she lowered her head, her cheeks turning red, her newly found boldness nowhere to be seen. Bard followed his gaze and smiled “Sooo... this must be the new nanny I have heard so much about.” He walked over to the nervous elf-faerie and offered his hand so she could dismount. “Welcome to the city of Dale my lady, it is a pleasure to have you here.” Thorin rolled his eyes as Vanya took Bard’s hand and gracefully slid off her pony.

“It is an honor for me to be here” she replied shyly. “I have travelled to many places but I have never had the pleasure of visiting Dale, or Laketown for that matter.”

“Well I hope your stay here is enjoyable then. My daughters are anxiously waiting for you ladies and the little dwarf princess." He glanced towards Akara and Alana as he spoke, then looking back at Vanya he added "and I think you will be very pleased to find a surprise waiting for you at the castle." The elf-faerie smiled but before she say anything in return Thorin cleared his throat, prompting Bard to turn his attention back to him. “Well then, I see someone is growing impatient,” he said jokingly, changing his tone when he saw that Thorin was clearly reaching his limit of tolerance. “Alright, alright, I imagine you are all eager to unload your goods and get yourselves settled before dinner. Bain, accompany the ladies to the castle please, I will go with Thorin and the others to the stockroom." His son nodded and the group split in two, each going in opposite directions.

*********

The surprise that Bard had mentioned earlier turned out to be Gandalf, he knew of the dwarve's visit and had decided to join them for a couple of days. Vanya was delighted to find a familiar face waiting for her at the castle though it didn't take long for her to feel very comfortable with Sigrid and Tilda too, it was like she had always known them. The girls had in fact given them a very warm welcome and had barely given the visitors time to breathe before taking them on a quick tour of the castle and its surroundings while excitedly planning the next day's adventures. They would be taking the women to the market of course but the townspeople had also prepared several events for the occasion so there would be music, plays, puppet shows and all sorts of other festivities. The afternoon passed quickly and by the time dinnertime arrived Vanya was once again feeling euphoric and completely at ease. So much that before she knew it they had finished dining and she was telling stories about herself, everyone's attention solely on her.

Vanya had rarely spoken of her past before, partially because there was little to say and partially because there were certain things she would rather avoid talking about (not to mention some she _couldn't_ talk about). That evening was different however. Maybe it was the festive nature of the occasion, maybe because Sigrid and Tilda had spurred her on, or the fact that they had all had a bit more than usual to drink, maybe a combination of all these things put together, in any case Vanya had shared more than one story about her past. She spoke of the many places she had seen and she told them of how she had saved Hazel from her terrible owner. She didn't think her tales were anything extraordinary but the others did and they all listened attentively, especially the dwarves who - despite having know her for a while now - still knew so little about her. Even Thorin kept his attention on the elf-faerie, careful not to miss a single word, though his interest in her tales was more determined by his wanting to discover everything he could about her mysterious past rather than simple curiosity. He was in fact quite irritated that she had stolen everyone's attention, but since she rarely spoke of herself he allowed her to continue, not sure when another opportunity like this would present itself. Things were going well, very well, and then the two sisters spoke, almost at the same time.

“Vanya, tell us how you met Gandalf!” asked Sigrid, while a very excited Tilda shouted out “And what of your family Vanya? Tell us of your life with the fairies!”

Bain, who had overheard Gandalf and Bard briefly talking about the elf-faerie earlier poked the youngest of his two sisters harshly in the side with his elbow but it was too late. Vanya became tense and she held her breath as the joyful expression drained from her face, her eyes shifting nervously from one girl to the other.

“I… uh… I…” she stammered.The room grew uncomfortably quiet and mostly everyone was staring at her, except for a few that looked down at their plates instead. “Forgive me, I need some air.” She got up and pushed the heavy chair back, tripping over it and almost causing it to tip over in her haste to move away from the table. Kili started getting up to go after her but a stern look from Gandalf prompted him to sit back down.

Sigrid and Tilda stared after Vanya, looking both confused and guilty for having caused the young elf-faerie to leave the room so abruptly. It was Tilda who broke the silence “Was it my fault? I didn’t mean to…..”

"She doesn't _have_ a family you fool!" Bain angrily replied.

“Hush, Bain, it is no one’s fault” interrupted Gandalf. “Tilda, you cannot fault yourself for matters you are not aware of.” He looked towards the archway where Vanya had disappeared . “She will be fine” he said, then turned back to them and repeated “she will be fine”, looking straight at Kili this time, as if to reassure him.

Surely enough, moments later Vanya returned to the table. She was no longer shaken, but neither was she as joyful as she had been just a few minutes earlier. She looked straight towards Bard and Thorin, trying to concentrate her attention on the former and said “Forgive me my King, I…”

Bard didn’t give her time to finish “You have nothing to be forgiven Vanya, on the contrary, are you alright?”

“Yes, yes I am fine, thank you.” As she took her place at the table she glanced quickly at Thorin, expecting him to be annoyed by her behavior. She was surprised to see that he didn't look annoyed at all, rather he seemed concerned, an emotion she had a hard time associating him with, at least when it came to her. “ _Oh, don’t be silly_ ” she said to herself “ _the last thing Thorin Oakenshield is concerned about is_ your _well being_ ”. She then looked towards Gandalf, giving him a small nod and reassuring him that she was alright, for he certainly _was_ worried about her, and then she did the same with Kili.

“I am sorry if my question was inappropriate Lady Vanya, I did not mean to offend you or hurt you in any way”. Tilda said shyly, still feeling responsible for what had happened.

“You were not inappropriate” Vanya replied in a gentle voice, she then took a deep breath and started speaking. “I fear I have not much to tell, I know very little of the faerie life, or even of the elven life for that matter, for you see, my parent’s union was looked upon as a disgrace and both my parents were exiled from their respective families before I was even born.” Vanya spoke slowly and steadily, hardly any emotion transpiring as she did so “Sadly I never got the opportunity to become acquainted with my father. When I was but a few months old, we were attacked by a pair of orcs while searching for a place to camp for the night. My father managed to defeat them both but he died in the process. I was too little to remember the incident, or anything about my father. Once I became old enough to understand, my mother started speaking to me of him. She told me how he had died in order to protect us, that he was a very, very brave and courageous elf and that he loved me dearly and had done everything possible to provide a good life for me - for us - even though we had nothing.”

Vanya remained silent for a few moments and then proceeded “My mother was a caring and beautiful woman, kind hearted and gentle.” She hesitated and glanced at the members of the dinner party, half expecting someone to cry out “No! Faeries are evil!!! YOU are evil!”, and almost certain that “someone” would be Thorin. He was staring at her intently, his ice blue eyes scrutinizing her beneath furrowed brows, she could sense it even though she was doing her best to avoid his gaze. “She was _good_.” Vanya emphasized that last word as she continued, she wanted all of them to know it - she wanted _Thorin_ to know it - her mother was one of the _good_ ones. “She raised me on her own after Papa… after Papa left us. She found work as a barmaid in a tavern, and every free minute she had she spent it with me. She would tell me stories and she taught me to read, and we would play games in the forest with the animals. She was able to communicate with them you know? Yes, they understood her.” A small smile crossed her face then as she remembered, the first emotion she had allowed to slip through since she had come back to the table. But her smile quickly faded, a more sorrowful look taking its place. She took a deep breath, “I was 5 when tragedy struck my family again. During the middle of the night we were surprised by a group of orcs and wargs. My mother did everything in her power to defeat them, but there were too many of them, too many, and she was…..” Vanya’s voice cracked. She was staring straight ahead of her but looking at no one in particular, lost in a trance as she tried to keep her emotions under control. Suddenly she snapped back to reality and looked at all the somber faces surrounding her, Fili, Kili and Akara looked particularly desolated. She knew Gandalf had informed them that she had been exiled with her family and that she had lost her parents when she was young, but he had never revealed the details concerning her tragic childhood. She had never done so herself either but somehow she had let herself get carried away. She didn’t know know what had possessed her to share so much information with the others, part of her wanted to disappear into thin air, yet another part of her wanted to finish, _needed_ to finish.

She took a very deep breath and cleared her throat before speaking again, and when she did her tone had once again changed, it was controlled and less emotional. “I… I remember very little of what happened after that, I must have fainted.” She paused again and took another deep breath “It was Gandalf that found me” The two exchanged a knowing glance. “He brought me to a kind, old couple that took care of me until the last of their living days. I most likely would never have survived alone in the wilderness if it were not for him, and for that I will be forever grateful to him.”

Vanya remained silent then, as did the others. No one dared speak - no one knew what to say really - and the atmosphere had grown quite tense. The elf-faerie felt more uncomfortable with each second that passed, cursing herself and desperately wishing she was back in the halls of Erebor. It was Thorin that spoke then, startling her and quite a few of the others.

“I believe we have been seated at this dinner table far too long, the instruments are awaiting us in the garden, along with some good, old-fashioned mead.”

He was blunt and to the point, and under normal circumstances Vanya would have thought his intervention to be rude and out of place. As it was she was grateful to him for having broken the silence, and the others must have been too for no sooner had he spoken there was the sound of chairs moving and hustling as they all scurried to leave the dining hall. As they were getting up Vanya’s eyes met his for a brief moment and neither turned away this time. If Vanya hadn't known him any better, she would have thought that he had actually done it for her sake.


	15. Dale - part 2

They spent the rest of the evening in the garden, singing and dancing to the lively music the dwarves played. Vanya was soon smiling again, determined not to let what happened during dinner affect her or anyone else’s evening and particularly touched by how the others did everything possible to lighten the mood and cheer her up. 

The evening ended with Thorin playing the harp, each tune he played more beautiful than the next. Vanya knew of his talent but until now he had never played in her presence and she sat in amazement, completely enraptured by the moment. She couldn’t help noticing how different he looked, passionate and gracious as his coarse dwarven fingers delicately caressed the strings, producing a melody that was both powerful and gentle at the same time. If she had never met him before that evening, she would have never imagined he could be so insufferable and hateful. Thorin had not been rude or uncivilized with her since they had finished dining. He hadn’t exactly been friendly or amicable, but he hadn’t gone out of his way to antagonize her either. Vanya wondered why it couldn’t have been like this from the start, or at least after a short while. She knew that he had acted this way towards Bilbo too in the beginning, but then things had changed and they had become very close friends. Would he ever come to accept her? All of a sudden he looked up at her, their eyes locking, and before she even knew what was happening she smiled at him. It was a spontaneous gesture, still, she felt embarrassed when she realized what she had done, even more so when he didn’t respond. She closed her eyes quickly - hoping that maybe he hadn’t even noticed - and remained that way, just letting the music lull her soul.

The last piece he played was exceptionally beautiful, and she kept playing the melody over and over in her mind later as she changed into her nightclothes and laid in bed. The unpleasant incident that had occurred during dinner was the farthest thing from her mind at this point, and she fell asleep content and smiling. Sadly, that didn't stop her demons from visiting her once again and ruining her peaceful slumber.

*******

“ _ Mama!!! Mamaaaa!!!!!” little Vanya screamed, her heart pounding in her chest “Mamaaaaa!!!!!” _

_ Orcs and wargs were everywhere and her mother had summoned all her powers to fight them off, but there were too many of them, and they were very strong. The Orcs were forming a circle around her, making it hard for Vanya to see what was happening. Then a light flashed and suddenly the woman fighting the Orcs wasn't her mother anymore, it was herself in adult form, it was as if she were looking at herself in a mirror. Another light flashed and this time she found herself directly in her mother’s place, Orcs all around her. What was happening? She looked towards the spot where her child self had been just a few seconds earlier, confused, and her eyes widened in horror, it was Alana! No, it couldn't be, the dwarf child had taken her place, she was sitting on the ground with her back to them, playing with her stuffed toys and completely unaware of the danger she was in. The wargs were getting closer to her and she just kept playing as though nothing was going on, and then Vanya realized the little dwarf was humming to herself. For some reason, even though she was far away Vanya could hear it, and it sounded very familiar.  _

_ “Alanaaa!!!” she cried out to her to warn her of the danger, but the tiny dwarf kept playing and humming. It was louder and louder, and finally Vanya recognized it, it was the tune that Thorin had been playing on the harp at the end of the evening. The wargs were now almost on top of the little dwarf, they were ready to lunge... _

_ “Alana, look ooouuut!!!” Vanya screamed at the top of her lungs, but despite her throat feeling hoarse no sound came out. _

“ _ Runnnn!!!! Alana, ruuunnnn!!! _

_ This time her voice came out, but the child wasn’t reacting to it at all, she wouldn’t turn around and they would be on her any second now. Vanya knew she needed to get to Alana, she stunned one of the Orcs surrounding her with her powers but she was getting weaker by the second, she wouldn't be able to hold them off much longer. The foul stench of the beasts filled the air, making it hard to even breathe. Then another light flashed, and she was back to her child form again. _

“ _ Vanya look out!!!” she heard. _

_ It was her mother's voice, Vanya looked towards her and saw that she had also regained her true form. _

“ _ Mamaaaa!” she cried out. _

“ _ Ruuunnn... ruu...” and the voice was no more. _

_ And then Vanya was running for her life, running so hard she thought her heart would burst. Her eyes were filled with tears, making it even harder for her to see in the already dark night. She didn't need to turn around to know a warg was on her trail, the thumping of his giant paws mingled with her own heartbeat making it hard to distinguish the two. He was getting closer, she ran faster and faster and suddenly she was falling to the ground, betrayed by a tree root hiding among the leaves. She heard a growl, felt the beast’s putrid breath on her neck as he pounced on her back..... _

*******

Her back, something was on her back, she wasn't dreaming, she could feel it! Without thinking she summoned her powers and a flame of light blinded her as she unleashed her force on her attacker. When her eyes finally adjusted to the dim light in the room, she was shocked by what she saw. Thorin was sitting on the ground opposite her bed amidst the clutter caused by his fall, still stunned by the blow and looking just as shocked as she was.


	16. Dale - part 3

Thorin had remained conversing in the main hall with Bard just a while longer after the others had retired for the night. He then headed up to his chambers and was passing by Vanya's room when he heard it, the distinct sound of crying, whimpering. He paused for a moment, and was just starting to think he was imagining things when he heard her say  _ “No...Mama...Mama!”.  _ He held out his hand ready to open the door and then hesitated, not really sure what to do, and then he heard her cry out again. He swiftly entered the room, and though he could barely make out her figure in the low light he could see she was lying face down on the bed, tossing and turning, crying out over and over, tears streaking her face.

“Vanya? Are you alright? Vanya?” when she failed to respond he realized she must be having a nightmare. He walked over to her and said “Vanya, you are dreaming, wake up”, then he placed his hand on her back and gently shook her. The next thing he knew the room was filled with a blaze of light and he felt a sharp bolt of pain run through his entire body as he flew across the room, crashed against the wall and fell to the floor with a thud.

 

*********  
  


“Thorin! Oh no, Thorin forgive me!”

“What in hell's name...” Thorin stood up raging and furious, but one look at the elf-faerie and his anger subsided. Vanya was trembling uncontrollably, her already fair skin so pale she looked like a ghost. But the thing that stood out most were her eyes, not only were they filled with terror, they were  _ different _ . Even in the dimly lit room he could see it, the golden speckles had completely vanished, and so had the green, looking back at him were two orbs black as sin. 

Her voice stuttered as she once again expressed her dismay for what she had done.

“I am so sorry, it was not my intention to harm you, I would never…” she hesitated a few moments, her expression assuming a more puzzled look “why are you even here?”

“You were crying, I thought something was wrong. Obviously it was.”

Vanya lowered her head looking slightly embarrassed “I…I… it was nothing… it was… just a bad dream…” She struggled to speak, her body was still trembling. The king just stood there staring at her, unsure of what to do next, the atmosphere in the room becoming more and more tense by the second. Finally he broke the silence.

“I shall fetch Kili, he can stay with you...”

“No!” she shrieked. “No, Thorin, it's not necessary.”

“Vanya, you are clearly in no condition...”

She interrupted him again, “Please Thorin, no one needs to know about this, I will be fine in a moment.”

“Hmf” Thorin grunted shaking his head “this is yet the second secret you ask me to keep for you. Is this how you behave towards the people who care about you? Who put their trust in you? By  _ lying _ to them?”

“What?  _ Secret _ ?  _ Lying _ ? Thorin what does that even have to do with this? I’m not lying to anyone, I would just rather keep some things to myself, since when does wanting privacy constitute lying?”

“Privacy? You come into MY home and ask me to trust you despite the faerie blood that runs through your veins and your elf ancestry, yet you refuse to let anyone in your  _ own _ walls!!! Tonight was the first time since you have come to Erebor that you have spoken about yourself, Kili has opened his heart to you, he  _ worships _ you as though you were his true sister, and you still keep things from him? Do you know how hurt he would be if he knew?”

“No, do  _ you  _ know how  _ worried _ he would be if he knew? Is that really necessary, especially now that we are in Dale?” she paused for a few moments then sighed deeply, “Please Thorin, can we not argue for once? I'm fine. Everything is fine.”

They had both raised their voices but now the room was quiet again. Thorin knew she was right, Kili would undoubtedly spend the rest of the trip worrying about her, especially after what had already happened at dinner. Still, it was clear that the elf-faerie was more shaken than she wanted to let on. Her eyes were not black anymore, but they were not back to her usual golden color either. They were lifeless, brown, dull. Her skin was covered by a thin layer of sweat and she was still trembling, her arms tightly wrapped around herself. Whether all this was a result of her nightmare or because of her using her powers he was uncertain, but she was nowhere  _ near _ fine.

“You’ve had these nightmares before” he stated, not needing any sort of confirmation on her part.

Vanya wouldn’t have responded in any case, she had too many thoughts going through her head in that precise moment and it made it hard to think straight. Scenes from her revelations at dinner kept flashing through her mind, intermingling with her nightmares and old memories and she found herself once again cursing herself for having spoken so much about her past. The others didn’t know just how painful these memories were to her and how much of an effort it was opening up to them like that. And as if that weren’t enough, now she was in this predicament with Thorin, of all people. He didn’t understand, he didn’t realize that it was just as hard for her to trust others as it was for him to trust her. She had already gone so much further than she ever had before despite all the difficulties, but she couldn’t take her shield down completely, she had to protect herself. Yet she did not know how to explain that without revealing even  _ more _ of herself to the king, and he already knew more than she cared for him to know. For some odd reason, the person with whom she had least bonded with and whom she found most intimidating, the person who had the  _ least _ consideration of her and wanted nothing more than to be rid of her, was the same person that had stumbled upon her during a crisis - not once but  _ twice _ \- thus finding himself inside her boundaries whether she liked it or not. 

Thorin let out a deep breath, startling her. “Very well then.” he said, but instead of heading towards the door, he walked over to the armchair by the window and sat down.

“What are you doing?” Vanya asked, a perplexed look on her face.

“If you will not let me fetch Kili then I shall stay myself.

“No, Thorin that it not necessary, I told you, I'm fine.”

Thorin tilted his head, his face was severe as he spoke to her and his tone harsh “Vanya, you may have succeeded in isolating yourself and annihilating your emotions and I have no doubt that you have done just fine all these years on your own, but whatever has been working for you up until now is clearly not working in this precise moment. You are shaken to the core and you do not want to be alone, even if you refuse to admit it being the pig-headed person you are”.

Vanya knew there would be no convincing him to leave, she wasn't the only stubborn person in the room. The worst thing was, he was right: she didn't  _ want _ him to go. She hated admitting it but she didn’t want to be alone, especially in these unfamiliar surroundings. A part of her wished she had allowed him to fetch Kili, at least she could have curled up in his arms and would have felt more at ease with him, but it was too late for that now. She felt uncomfortable, defeated, and the King had seen right through her. All her life she had been having those nightmares and she had never felt the need to be comforted or coddled, yet now she felt relieved to have someone by her side, even if that someone was Thorin Oakenshield. “ _ Just this once _ ” she thought to herself “ _ just this once, and next time you will get through this on your own like you always have _ ”.

She was brought back to reality when she heard Thorin clearing his throat, and when she looked up to him she noticed an odd expression on his face. It was only then that she realized that her nightclothes had gotten a bit twisted due to her tossing and turning in her sleep, and revealed a bit more than what would be considered “appropriate” given the circumstances. Neither of them had paid much notice to it in the heat of the moment, but now that things had calmed down it had obviously caught the King's attention.

Vanya looked down shyly as she quickly pulled the sheets over herself and laid down.

Thorin was looking out the window now, the moonlight casting a soft glow on his features making them seem less harsh than usual. She had been in Erebor long enough now to know that the King had a different personality which he reserved for those he cared for, friends and family, a more amiable and charming one, and that he was indeed capable of smiling. She was denied such courtesies however, and the look he had on his face in that precise moment was the most sociable she had ever seen on him in her presence.

Suddenly he turned to face her, and their eyes met for a few moments, in silence, a silence which she broke when his gaze started making her feel uneasy again.

“Thorin, what happened earlier, my powers, I  _ am _ truly sorry” her voice was soft now, reflecting how tired she was. “I would never harm any of you, you must know that, you have to believe…..”

“Vanya,  _ sleep. _ ” It was not an order, and his voice was not as stern as usual, but reassuring. 

His eyes remained steady on hers, and although she still felt a bit uneasy she was unable to turn away, it was as though they had a soothing effect on her. The thought of him playing the harp came to her mind again, and without realizing it she started humming the sweet melody that he had played last, the same one that she had heard in her nightmare. She drifted off slowly, looking into his blue eyes - the same eyes that she had found so unsettling and that had caused her so much agitation when they first met – and she slept soundly for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had hoped to update much sooner, seeing as how this was one of the chapters I had written a while back (like I mentioned before, I have quite a few chapters written out of sequence). By the time I finally reached this chapter however, I realized that I need to fix a few things and it took longer than expected. 
> 
> To all who are following this story, thank you :)


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